Midnight Run

Over at dVerse Poets Pub, Meeting the Bar, Bjorn is having us us write 14 line poems with a volta. This is not my usual style and truth  be told, it is probably one of the worst poems I have ever written.  I don’t know if I will even put it in my “to be polished” folder.  But I tried!  And it does rhyme, after a fashion – badly. I’m not even sure if it is a legitimate poetic form. Mea culpa.

night

Fitful winds tear brittle fog
swirling it erratically about the street.
Hollow taps of running feet –
behind her she knows he follows –
into an alley she slips to hide
and silently into shadows she glides.

Silent still she crouches and hears him pass.
still hiding, waiting – should she go?
softly, slowly rising – walking on tiptoe
to the street, looking both ways.
there, on the corner under the light
He turns and has her in his sight.

He freezes – shoulders high she begins to run,
Leaps onto his chest and bares her teeth – this is going to be fun.

 

51 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sabio Lantz
    Feb 19, 2015 @ 23:20:21

    To be polished or not; rhyme or not — damn, it was fun!
    Nice.

    Reply

  2. Bryan Ens
    Feb 19, 2015 @ 23:28:36

    who cares whether it is a “legitimate form” or not…I like the story here, and I enjoy the form that you wrote to…there are Elizebethan sonnets, Petrarchan sonnets, Terza Rima sonnets, and now, apparently, the Kanzensakura sonnet! 🙂

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Feb 19, 2015 @ 23:32:29

      I like that! The Kanzensakura Sonnet! Thanks! 😊

      Reply

      • Bryan Ens
        Feb 19, 2015 @ 23:49:20

        you were very deliberate with your rhyme scheme, by the looks of it: xaaxbb, xccxdd, ee. I may have to try writing something to this form sometime soon! If Bjorn reads my comment…perhaps he’ll do a “kanzensakura sonnet” prompt! 🙂

        Reply

        • kanzensakura
          Feb 20, 2015 @ 09:28:05

          You are so very kind. I did try to be deliberate. This was my first attempt at something like this in many years. Scary, but fun! I certainly don’t mind you using the scheme!

          Reply

  3. bmiller007 (@bmiller007)
    Feb 19, 2015 @ 23:30:45

    ha. fun it was…like a bit of vampire tag….lol
    i thought she was the one in trouble but….

    Reply

  4. claudia
    Feb 20, 2015 @ 00:03:41

    oh heck… what an unexpected turn.. the victim becomes the attacker suddenly… ugh… bad surprise for the guy…

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Feb 20, 2015 @ 09:26:01

      Gay said it reminded her of when she first was married. A different take on it….like a newlywed fun game. I hadn’t thought of that. so….maybe fun for them both?

      Reply

  5. Gay Reiser Cannon
    Feb 20, 2015 @ 00:36:44

    You waited late for that turn – and it was good, it made me smile and remember good times when I first was married. Excellent work.

    Reply

  6. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
    Feb 20, 2015 @ 00:52:51

    Oh yes the turned tables in a narrative a very good way to use a Volta.. I love vampires in poetry, and that could be a whole theme in poetry.

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Feb 20, 2015 @ 09:24:11

      Yes, it could. I’ve been hooked on them before it became stylish. My precious papa used to take me to the Saturday morning movies against my mom’s will. We loved them all and the monsters never scared me. I often felt sorry for them!

      Reply

  7. cindy knoke
    Feb 20, 2015 @ 01:10:00

    You rock at writing in your own unique way!

    Reply

  8. http://vivinfrance.wordpress.com
    Feb 20, 2015 @ 01:48:07

    Worth polish, definitely, including a synonym for fitful, which you use twice in two lines. But it’s fun with an exciting ending.

    Reply

  9. Sarah
    Feb 20, 2015 @ 04:23:23

    I agree with the previous comment. It’s definitely worth polishing, and about all you need is that synonym. You got me with the twist at the end. 😀

    Reply

  10. Gabriella
    Feb 20, 2015 @ 07:51:53

    This is a great volta, from prey to predator, complete with shift of fear and glee. You did well!

    Reply

  11. Mary
    Feb 20, 2015 @ 08:13:26

    Ah, excellent volta and twist at the end. The poem begins with a mood of fear & ends with a feeling of triumph – smiles! Actually this is one of my favorites from this lot of poetry for this prompt.

    Reply

  12. wolfsrosebud
    Feb 20, 2015 @ 08:53:52

    scary… fear is an odd thing… one never knows

    Reply

  13. Let's CUT the Crap!
    Feb 20, 2015 @ 08:59:18

    Oh Kanzen. This is superb! You are full of fantastic surprises. Love the twist. 🙂 ❤ ❤

    Reply

  14. Grace
    Feb 20, 2015 @ 17:50:07

    The ending was unexpected as she turned out to be the hunter, not the hunted ~ Good work on the form poetry ~ I am happy to see you are having fun writing the poems ~

    Reply

  15. Snakypoet (Rosemary Nissen-Wade)
    Feb 20, 2015 @ 18:01:22

    I enjoyed it very much, especially the surprise end. (For a minute I was heart in mouth, thinking she would be the victim – as you intended, lol.) I think you handled the form very well, and I liked the rhyme scheme too. If this is your worst, your best must be superb!

    Reply

  16. huntmode
    Feb 20, 2015 @ 20:46:08

    Kanzen, as others have said, it was fun. I enjoyed it – that last line turned my thoughts on their head!

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Feb 20, 2015 @ 21:26:50

      Glad you enjoyed Huntie. I didn’t think I could do anything like this!

      Reply

      • David Emeron
        Feb 21, 2015 @ 18:50:16

        Ah, but I always knew you could. Very lovely; beats rather than syllables. Strategic assonance. And… never mind the link; I found it!

        Reply

        • kanzensakura
          Feb 21, 2015 @ 19:22:47

          I am so glad! I knew you’d find it. This is an interesting crew. I know when it comes to all kinds stuff, you could write circles around them. It was hard and I had to work my brain. it’s good for me.

          Reply

          • David Emeron
            Feb 22, 2015 @ 01:32:15

            I’ve known about them for a long while. I was invited to investigate them by Bjorn Rudberg, but I am not comfortable with rings or groups of any form. I have always preferred one to one interactions with people.

            Reply

            • kanzensakura
              Feb 22, 2015 @ 03:23:56

              I can understand that. I needed something to prod me. I like Bjorn’s poetry. I still say you could teach a thing or three! I felt it would be good for me to get some outside influence on my poetry other than people going “like” or “beautiful”. They are a varied crew and different styles to read. I have always enjoyed our interactions very much and have missed you of late. I’ve had a lot going on myself so I can understand. But it has been good to see things popping up on my reader from you.

              Reply

            • kanzensakura
              Feb 22, 2015 @ 09:40:46

              the nice thing is, one is able to interact individually. The “prompts” are interesting and often enlightening and of course, one doesn’t have to do them all. Check it out. One never knows. A physicist has invited you to join a poetics group and now I, an engineer am inviting you. A mathmetician would do well in the group. Hugs to your dear wife and to you as well. I miss you.

              Reply

  17. The Bizza (@thebizza)
    Feb 21, 2015 @ 22:31:59

    This was really fun and kept me hooked right through the twist! I had to read it several times; that’s how good the turn was!

    Reply

  18. Snow's Fissures and Fractures
    Feb 22, 2015 @ 18:30:18

    This is absolutely fabulous!

    Reply

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