dVerse Poets Pub and NaPoWriMo 2

Today at dVerse Poets Pub, Grace is challenging us with the poetry form, villanelle. which I am now calling “Villain Nell”…this is also for Day 2 of NaPoWriMo…..This is my first villanelle. It may even be my last. But this is written about the day the first love of my life left and returned to Japan. It’s spring, it’s cherry blossom time, there is mention of stars for the NaPoWriMo Day 2 prompt. Whew!I’ve linked to dVerse.

The Day You Left

The day you left sakura wept,
Pink and white petals swirled in the wind.
The song in my heart forever slept.

Frozen stars in the night sky crept
To bloody dawn and empty day
The day you left sakura wept.

Over pink and white petals I stepped
Tiny grave stones marking the place where
The song in my heart forever slept.

To the past of our life my dreams leapt,
where we danced under the trees,
The day you left sakura wept.

That last kiss you took and kept
Folded in paper placed next your heart where
The song in my heart forever slept.

And you, alone now you slept
Did you dream of me as I of you?
The song in my heart forever slept.
The day you left sakura wept.

Japan cherry blossom guide - Osaka

Japan cherry blossom guide – Osaka



48 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sherry Marr
    Apr 02, 2015 @ 22:52:50

    This is very beautifully written. You did a stellar job of combining two prompts! I especially love the repeated refrain – “The song in my heart forever slept. The day you left sakura wept.” So beautiful!


  2. lupitatucker
    Apr 02, 2015 @ 23:04:58

    Beautiful, tender, and sad – all great elements to include in a villanelle. I especially liked your rhyme scheme with slept, wept, crept, stepped, etc. Well done!


  3. huntmode
    Apr 02, 2015 @ 23:12:01

    Kanzen, I know nothing about your Villain Nell, but this is one of your very best. Broke my heart on your refrain, but this was the true ache:
    “Over pink and white petals I stepped
    Tiny grave stones marking the place where
    The song in my heart forever slept.”

    …tiny grave stones – oh, Kanzen…


  4. Dusty Writes
    Apr 03, 2015 @ 03:34:27

    Oh this is Beautiful and heartrending! On a side note–when I try to click your link, it takes me to a “page not found” deal; as this has happens for me each time, I wonder if anyone else has mentioned it?


  5. el34ax7
    Apr 03, 2015 @ 03:36:31

    Each day I see these buds struggling to blossom, fighting the latent chill of this long winter, and I think about the history and culture of “hanami.” The hope, the beauty, the love, and, tragically, the loss of all that we hold dear. Impermanence writ large on the myriad petals beneath our feet, trampled under the weight of life and the living of it.

    To the best of my knowledge, this poem puts it as perfectly as I could imagine.

    It’s bittersweet, the second hanami, watching and waiting for these petals to bloom all the while knowing… Yet, I look forward to every new blossom.

    Absolutely gorgeous poem. There’s just so much here to adore.


    • kanzensakura
      Apr 03, 2015 @ 12:17:17

      Thank you my friend. I hope you and your dear wife have enjoyed hanami. Being so celebratory at their “struggling to blossom” – we all seem to do that, especially after a time of cold. I think because of these blooms, we get a true message about impermanence and how fleeting is beauty and life. We celebrate and mourn at the same time – the blooming, the beauty, the falling of the petals as the blooms die. We are late over here in the blooming. and because of the lateness, the season will be even more brief. Another lesson in enjoying while we can because when we blink, it will be over. And Happy Easter to you!!!


  6. Grace
    Apr 03, 2015 @ 07:35:01

    The love lost is very moving with these refrain:

    The song in my heart forever slept.
    The day you left sakura wept.

    Also the imagery of white and pink petals on the grave stones is very striking ~Admiring the rhyming pattern and telling you – congrats on writing your first Villain Nell ~ Thanks for joining in the fun and wishing you Happy Easter ~


  7. Let's CUT the Crap!
    Apr 03, 2015 @ 09:22:44

    Nostalgia and yearning. Emptiness. You keep upping your creativity, Kanzen. As Huntie says, this is one of your best. The pacing and repetition confirm the loss at this departure. It breaks my heart to read it. Excellent. ❤ ❤ ❤


  8. macjam47
    Apr 03, 2015 @ 09:33:35

    Oh, so very beautiful! Love lost written into a fabulous villanelle. You should definitely write more of them. Hugs.


  9. Glenn Buttkus
    Apr 03, 2015 @ 11:41:51

    A hard mistress indeed, for it is one thing to begin to get a grip on the parameters of the form, but quite another to create interesting repeating & refrain lines, & somehow make the poem cohesive, about something, interesting; but I think that you succeeded on all scores. For a virgin effort, you created a masterpiece; sweet, sad, touching.


    • kanzensakura
      Apr 03, 2015 @ 12:05:08

      Thank you very much. I truly appreciate your words on this. it is a very hard art form but it is lovely. A most demanding mistress! And it made my stretch my brain. always a good thing!


  10. zongrik
    Apr 03, 2015 @ 12:29:00

    the folded paper makes this sad poem even sadder 😦

    The Befuddled Flatulent Blogger


  11. MarinaSofia
    Apr 03, 2015 @ 12:41:09

    Much more lyrical and romantic, more in keeping with the villanelle form (which to me feels like a folk ballad). Well done on your first attempt!


  12. SirenaTales
    Apr 03, 2015 @ 15:02:22

    Ah, Kanzen! How beautiful, and heartbreaking. Your imagery: stunning as always. Joy and love to you this holiday weekend, my talented friend


    • kanzensakura
      Apr 03, 2015 @ 15:47:21

      Thank you, my friend. I do hope you and your family have a blessed Easter as well. And you know, I think you will appreciate this as many cannot. I believe that when Mary went to the tomb that morning and found it empty, after she had told the good news, I believe she danced with joy – a free moving, leaping, joyful dance.


  13. L Weaves Words
    Apr 03, 2015 @ 15:46:22

    That is very true – when a love ends there are plenty of “empty day”s, no matter how full they can be of anything else…

    (liked your “Villain Nell” too, lol. But then I always find fitting to form tough).


  14. Linda Kruschke
    Apr 03, 2015 @ 16:49:03

    I so believe poor Nell has been misunderstood. She is not a Villain at all, but an opportunity to share a beautiful and tender story. Peace, Linda


    • kanzensakura
      Apr 03, 2015 @ 18:37:35

      I was joking….I re-named it because she is a particular and demanding mistress. 🙂 If I had not thought so, I would have ignored the prompt. It is a very difficult form but it is a lovely form. My brain hurts today from stretching it so much, which is a good thing. I agree about an opportunity to change our methods, step out of our comfort zone, learn new methods. I looked up “villanelle” on the internet, not only for clarification of the form but the history behind the form. And Nell is indeed a wonderful opportunity. I’m a great proponent of free form, but I do think it is good to try something new. It was a hard, but fun exercise, wasn’t it? And so many people did such a beautiful job on their first villanelle. 🙂 Have a blessed Easter!


  15. billgncs
    Apr 03, 2015 @ 19:18:07

    you really made it work – so sad he couldn’t stay.


  16. Bryan Ens
    Apr 04, 2015 @ 00:02:26

    Th reversal of the A1 and A2 refrains at the end was brilliant! Very powerful poem…and please don’t let this be your last villanelle, you wrote to this form wonderfully.


  17. C.C.
    Apr 04, 2015 @ 14:04:53

    The imagery of sakura weeping is so profound and heartbreaking. It hits the reader so emotionally. Wow, Really packs a punch! I can feel the grief.


  18. lynn__
    Apr 04, 2015 @ 16:23:51

    You did very well handling Villain Nell 😉 This is really fabulous, Kanzensakura!!


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