Aware Cho – dVerse Poetics

Today, Bryan is hosting the Meeting the Bar segment of the dVerse Poetics Pub. He is wanting us to write a poem in the form we most favor and to tell us why this form is our favorite or preference. I have written a classic haiku. I write classic haiku because it is a snapshot of something in nature/life. It says in few words what is in that snapshot. Often, it is more about what is not said rather than what is put in front of you. Chinmoko simply is silence in Japanese. it is a cultural concept and in this case, often refers to “the silence between the notes” – what your imagination says to you. Also, in this haiku is aware cho – the deep sigh after feeling something.

This haiku is written in loving memory of my friend Peggie who recently died.

summer night is long –
dew falls but fades at morning –
grasses remember.

65 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DELL CLOVER
    May 28, 2015 @ 15:43:15

    Lovely haiku–you are one of the elite at the classic form. Mine is so Americanized….

    Reply

  2. Mary
    May 28, 2015 @ 15:49:17

    Yes, this is a lovely haiku. I like your explanation that a haiku is often about what is not said. I can definitely feel that in your haiku. (And my condolences to you on your recent loss….)

    Reply

  3. Glenn Buttkus
    May 28, 2015 @ 15:50:16

    I am favoring the Haibun form a lot these days, but my own maverick version of it, so my Haiku are the classic syllabic count, but always drip of Americanese. Yours is beautiful sad.

    Reply

  4. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
    May 28, 2015 @ 16:11:53

    Your haiku also has the tradition of writing them in remembrance .. I try to write haiku every now and then but prefer to move the theme closer to what I know.. the way the grass remember is a lovely phrase… and so sorry for your loss.

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      May 28, 2015 @ 16:31:42

      Thank you. And…haiku is also about the familiar! i’ll bet you could write some wonderful ones about snow, lakes, the sky….the goslings eating grass. I liked that a lot.

      Reply

  5. K. A. Bryce
    May 28, 2015 @ 16:33:49

    I thought this as close to a truly traditional Japanese essence of haiku than I have seen in a long time. I think you hit all the things a haiku should strive to be. >KB

    Reply

  6. Gabriella
    May 28, 2015 @ 17:34:43

    Very touching haiku, Toni. I am sorry for your loss. It is always hard, for so many reasons, to lose a friend. I liked the explanation you provided.

    Reply

  7. kanzensakura
    May 28, 2015 @ 17:37:24

    Thank you for your kind words.

    Reply

  8. Bryan Ens
    May 28, 2015 @ 20:44:24

    another lovely piece! Your mention of your friend Peggie really gives the meanings of your haiku a lot of depth. We may cease to weep after a while…but we never forget those friends (nor should we).

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      May 28, 2015 @ 20:56:21

      Thank you. Your words give much comfort. I am drinking extra water because tears don’t stop. I know they will but right now, i feel like Niobe

      Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Tab®|PRO

      Reply

      • Bryan Ens
        May 28, 2015 @ 21:01:44

        if the tears weren’t flowing after a recent loss, there would be something wrong indeed! My wife lost her dad this past summer…tears are a lot less frequent now…but they still do come…and those tears are a testament to the love that existed between you and your friend.

        Reply

  9. Victoria C. Slotto
    May 28, 2015 @ 21:10:37

    I appreciate your fidelity to the true Haiku form–the reference to a season. To me this is one form that wants to be honored. I think of the greats like Basho, Jane Hirschfield (in our own time). For me, Haiku touches the Divine.

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      May 30, 2015 @ 16:01:53

      Thank you for these words. I feel the same way and perhaos, in stubborness or in fidelity to the true reform, refuse to call the Americanized short poems, haiku. If one uses a Japanese poetic form, then honor and respect it as one would a sonnet, triolet, villanelle. Don’t go harrying off the path and call anything with 17 syllables a haiku. Call it a 17er, short poem, fauxku…it is like calling tea bags of green tea matcha…sorry. I get all irate at this…smiling wryly.

      Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Tab®|PRO

      Reply

  10. Let's CUT the Crap!
    May 28, 2015 @ 21:54:44

    I feel this is the perfect requiem, Kanzen, in your soft unhurried Haiku. Would this be the circle of life? ❤

    Reply

  11. georgeplace2013
    May 28, 2015 @ 21:56:10

    I love Haiku for its depth and brevity and for “the silence between the notes,” as you put it. Your is one that makes me pause after the last word and think of all the things left unsaid but implied. I am so sorry for your loss. Your poem is a lovely expression of love.

    Reply

  12. Linda Kruschke
    May 28, 2015 @ 22:28:39

    I’ve never written a haiku. You make it look so effortless. And I like your dedication. It made me think of my sister, also named Peggy, who died two years ago and who I’ve been thinking of lately. Peace, Linda

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      May 29, 2015 @ 12:52:59

      Thank you. It actually isn’t hard. Just be aware of nature around you and take the snap shot of it in words. your poems have been a delight to read and are often inspirational…and you make that look effortless.

      Reply

  13. claudia
    May 28, 2015 @ 23:51:30

    the grass remembering even though the dew is long gone – this is beautifully put – what a lovely and sensitive tribute to your friend

    Reply

  14. http://vivinfrance.wordpress.com
    May 29, 2015 @ 02:44:07

    Your opening process notes came as a perfect lesson in writing haiku, And your poem sang your grief.

    Reply

  15. MarinaSofia
    May 29, 2015 @ 06:03:05

    This is very poignant and yet unsentimental – the very brevity makes sure you really condense so much emotion into each word. A perfect example of a classic haiku, to my mind, well done!

    Reply

  16. Raivenne
    May 29, 2015 @ 08:57:27

    So light and airy, yet the gravitas of the moment hangs. I felt myself swallow, my own thirst quenched. Beautifully done.

    Reply

  17. kanzensakura
    May 29, 2015 @ 13:51:05

    There is a difference in making comments and knowing when to make and what to say. I am well aware of the dew process being a multi-degreed engineer and scientist. A haiku, using symbolism, really doesn’t need a correction about “dew falling”….I think the safest thing is to always be courteous, respectful, and appropriate. correcting someone about a symbol of someone’s life and the loss is really something that didn’t need to be noted. Yes, this comment upset me. Normally I would ignore you but right now, I am dealing with a lot of pain and loss and correcting something that really did not need correcting was not quite…respectual. Normally your comments are insightful but sometimes, it is better to be kind than to be right. I apologize for being upset. I’m sure if you have lost someone you loved, you would understand where I am coming from in this response.

    Reply

  18. whimsygizmo
    May 29, 2015 @ 15:09:51

    Gorgeous! “grasses remember” is an incredible phrase. I can hear them whisper. Condolences, and gratitude for getting to read this lovely tribute.

    Reply

  19. X
    May 29, 2015 @ 22:47:47

    Grass appreciates as well I imagine. The drink. The cool night air. Before the sun comes again to scorch. I think metaphorically too on the drops of dew in our own lives that seem to pass in just a day. I like the simplicity of the form. But also its depth.

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      May 29, 2015 @ 23:00:02

      And this was a very precious and beautiful drop. Thank you for your words. And I am happy to see I did my settings correctly so you and others can comment more easily.

      Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Tab®|PRO

      Reply

  20. mia
    May 29, 2015 @ 23:35:08

    “Grasses remember.” I love that. Also the way the dew represents tears, which must dry up by morning so that you can carry on with daily life.

    Reply

  21. katiemiafrederick
    May 30, 2015 @ 00:20:07

    Yes.. the minds of blades under blades of mowers
    sing a refrain of longer ways of growing..
    ah.. the mowers they do cut
    back taller stronger
    ways.. of
    being green..:)

    Reply

  22. sheridegrom - From the literary and legislative trenches.
    May 30, 2015 @ 17:22:46

    You know I haven’t knowledge of the rules you must follow – I simply know what I like and what I don’t like. This is magnificent, my friend.

    Reply

  23. mishunderstood
    May 30, 2015 @ 17:25:54

    I am so sorry for your loss.
    Your haiku is a beautiful expression and yes…I can imagine so much more that is not said. Thank you for sharing your knowledge of traditional haiku. I am embarrassed for those I have written that would fall into the “17er” category and after reading your comments, it inspires me to be more mindful in honouring this form of poetry.

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      May 30, 2015 @ 17:34:14

      You should not be embarrassed. You wrote and knowing you, you wrote from your heart and with mindfulness. I was writing sonnets several years ago and realized….oops, no I am not. Some I went and cleaned up and others I trashed. I hate that I sounded so ugly but it is very important to me. Making a new poetic form is one thing – dishonoring an old form and the culture behind it is different. I don’t think people often realize that and many of us Americans, just make things the way we want it because we are all about the independence and all that. Please don’t be embarrassed and please don’t let me make you feel badly. I am so sorry for that.

      Reply

      • mishunderstood
        May 30, 2015 @ 17:47:33

        Thank you for your kind words. You did not make me feel badly at all. 🙂 NO worries. I am grateful for the knowledge. It’s all a learning experience..and I think that your “sonnets” that didn’t quite follow the rules are creations within your own learning curve as well. Treasure them for that! As far as the whole “independence” thing…..I’m Canadian….which on a political standpoint, probably makes me a little more open minded. Not sorry for that, but definitely respectful of tradition. 🙂

        Reply

        • kanzensakura
          May 30, 2015 @ 17:53:18

          Some of my best friends are Canadian and I love their laid back independence mixed with tradition. I always enjoy my conversations and exchanging of ideas with them and….when they come visit and bring me a box of Timmie’s…..LOL.

          Reply

  24. Tina Blackledge
    Jun 03, 2015 @ 13:58:14

    I am so sorry you have lost someone dear to your heart. You honor your friend with beautiful poem. God Bless you.

    Reply

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