Two Summer Haiku

Here are two different traditional haiku using one of the Japanese kigo (seasonal words, which all traditional haiku should contain in the first line) – screen door or amido. A different feeling between the two haiku.

 

screen door has small hole –
mosquitoes invade hot night,
mean biters, no sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

outside of screen door
images blur to shadows –
cool and dim inside.

25 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Bryan Ens
    Jul 13, 2015 @ 17:14:24

    I prefer the second…but only because the first one has mosquitos 🙂

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Jul 13, 2015 @ 17:24:35

      Yeah. Skeeters are mean buggers.

      Reply

      • Bryan Ens
        Jul 13, 2015 @ 17:39:04

        is it ‘legal’ for a traditional haiku to end with the line, “cruel little bastards”?

        Reply

        • kanzensakura
          Jul 13, 2015 @ 17:41:43

          No, but cruel l’il bastards for the five syllables would be as would be evil in place of cruel…lol. insidious imps come to mind as well.

          Reply

          • Bryan Ens
            Jul 13, 2015 @ 18:08:09

            up where I live, “cruel” is almost pronounced as a single syllable word…but just to be on the safe side, change it to “damn”. Is swearing allowed in haiku?
            🙂

            Reply

            • kanzensakura
              Jul 13, 2015 @ 18:23:07

              I have been writing and studying them for years and have heard of no constraints against it. So….damn bitey devils…would also good. Cruel is one of those words that locally can be pronounced in one syllable but in dictionary is divided into two. Like down here, honey lamb is four syllables..la-yum, not lam….but in dictionary is one syllable. That’s what you go by…dictionary vs. Colloqial. The word little contracted to l’il makes litte one and allows for cruel. Gardenia looks to be four but is three based on pronunciation guide. Haiku are basically, or should be, when, what, first two lines.

              Reply

              • Bryan Ens
                Jul 13, 2015 @ 18:30:34

                actually, I find regional differences in pronunciation to be rather fascinating. I remember the topic of iambic pentameter coming up…I think at dVerse…where it was pointed out that what counts as 10 syllables in one area will not be read as 10 syllables in another…so colloquialism does make a big difference. Thanks for your reasoning behind dictionary vs colloquialism. I must admit, though, that I do break the rules a wee bit when I write haiku…sometimes on purpose. I know that’s a sore spot for you, but I hope that you’ll accept me for who I am 🙂

                Reply

                • kanzensakura
                  Jul 13, 2015 @ 19:05:32

                  I do accept those diiferences. My bite is, don’t call it haiku. Just like if someone changes the rule for another poetic form like sonnet for example. To me it shows a lack of respect for a culture, or a disregard of it. And that is where I get my ire. We don’t write a poem of a specific form, ignore the rules and call it by the specific name of the form. We follow rules for sonnets, odes, villanelles, ghazal, etc. Why do we feel it is okay to destroy haiku? Write a seveteen syllable poem with any subject matter, make it personal, but don’t call it haiku. American 17er, unku, whatever else as a name. And those of us who study, and write “traditional” haiku, feel this. I will admire someone’s poem but will not say it is an excellent, lovely, amazing…whatever haiku when it is a 17er. As much time as you are spending on your sonnets, for somone to come along and write a poem that does not follow the form and call it a sonnet shows the same disregard to you and the form. I can well imagine that person being taken to task for doing so. So….there it is, the why of why this deeply disturbs and upsets me.

                  Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Tab®|PRO

                  Reply

                • kanzensakura
                  Jul 13, 2015 @ 19:08:37

                  PS…in my cultural anthropology courses, I found colloquisms and accents fascinating. I often wonder how some folks can even understand us southerners. And, if someone tries to fob off a false sonnet, because of my deep respect and regard for you, I would, as we say down here, jerk a knot in them. 🙂

                  Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Tab®|PRO

                  Reply

  2. X
    Jul 13, 2015 @ 20:52:56

    Those skeeters are nasty little blood suckers – I have a hole the size of one whole panel window on the deck. I dunno how they get in. Ha. They dont like the fire though, so maybe just a little smoker would do.

    Reply

  3. Grace
    Jul 13, 2015 @ 21:37:58

    I admire the work on the two haiku ~ I just hate mosquitoes, smiles ~

    And I can empathize with the writing of haiku & other forms following the traditional rules ~ That’s the reason why I don’t link up anymore with haiku communities as I get frustrated with a lot of tercets, being labelled as haiku ~

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Jul 13, 2015 @ 22:17:12

      Yes ma’am…absolutely! And why I as well no longer follow any of the communities – the disregard of the rules. Call them tercets or free verse! I read, a couple of weeks ago, an excellent poem the writer called a tanka. Four lines and incorrect syllable count. I didn’t bother to correct her as she belonged to a tanka community and felt her several piems fit the tanka prompts. That is one thing I admire about d’verse – when a form is requested, it is only in rare occassions it isn’t respected.

      Reply

  4. September Last
    Jul 14, 2015 @ 04:30:20

    Don’t like mosquitoes–whatever slur you hang on ’em!

    Reply

  5. Let's CUT the Crap!
    Jul 14, 2015 @ 20:17:03

    The woman with the golden pen. Love them both because each paints a specific picture in only 17 syllables. Amazing. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Reply

  6. macjam47
    Jul 14, 2015 @ 21:11:26

    Both Haiku are fabulous. I love them both.

    Reply

  7. Hannah Gosselin
    Jul 15, 2015 @ 10:04:49

    I enjoyed these!! I like that they both carried the screen-door visual…a great kigo word indeed. 🙂

    Reply

  8. sb2711
    Jul 30, 2015 @ 00:53:01

    Hie Kanzen…long time again. I would like to tell you that I participated in a quiz on Japan in July…and I am in head over heels with everything about the country ❤ Also, I was wondering whether you would be interested in participating in Readers' Nook, which is a section on my blog. I ask a set of questions about books and reading to the participants and get them to answer it. Let me know if you would like to feature on the same. And I am also into guestblogging so if you ever feel the urge to write for me, I will be happy to host your writing 🙂

    Reply

  9. sb2711
    Jul 30, 2015 @ 00:54:12

    P.S. My team won the quiz. And I can’t wait to visit Japan someday. 🙂

    Reply

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