d’Verse Poetics: Meeting the Bar – Poems ala Emily Dickinson

Today at Meeting the Bar, Victoria is back with us after an absence. It is so good to have her back at d’Verse – her personality, her joy – her incredible ideas for poetry prompts. Today she is asking us to use the rhyme and rhythm scheme – Common Measure. Not only part of many Christian hymns, but employed by Emily Dickinson in her incredible poetry. We are to do our best to write poems ala Emily Dickinson. I feel I fall far short. Indeed, she is a long time favorite of mine and I know I could never do justice to her ingenuous, intricate, flowing, unique, far into the future form – well before her time. Come visit us at d’Verse and read the submissions for this very interesting prompt. Please feel free to join usthe in Pub conversations and to read and comment on the submission.  Please submit your own poem as well!  http://dversepoets.com/2015/07/30/emilys-not-so-common-meter

Blue Moon
The Blue moon glowed as Blue moons will
suspended high in a Summer night sky –
I gaped in awe at the June yellow cheese –
So it seemed to me alone on my hill.

Amidst grey clouds the Moon floated gold
And lit the sky with yellow –
The blue Moon glowed as Blue moons of old –
Ringed not with blue but golden Halo.

32 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. macjam47
    Jul 30, 2015 @ 22:00:08

    Lovely!

    Reply

  2. Mary
    Jul 30, 2015 @ 23:12:10

    You’ve really given me a sense of the glow of the blue moon, Toni. I think I will have to walk outside and take a look. Smiles.

    Reply

  3. Gabriella
    Jul 30, 2015 @ 23:17:30

    I mentioned the blue moon in my poem too but in a very different context as you know. Your poem is much more poetic. I like the way you used colors in your words.

    Reply

  4. X
    Jul 30, 2015 @ 23:21:24

    I read somewhere today that you were at the hospital with your husband. I hope he is recovering now. I hope you two have a wonderful anniversary, and enjoy that bbq. I am sure it won’t be too tainted from the proximity of the blue devils, just saying. Ha.

    Nice use of color in this. The blue and the gold. Blue the color of sky. Gold the sun. Yet we are talking of the moon, which carries no light of its own, but reflects what is given to it.

    Travel light.

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Jul 31, 2015 @ 17:40:07

      Haha! Bob’s (Hog Heaven) is right outside durham in a tiny burg with the odd name of Creedmoor and is n close proximity to the other point of the Triangle – Raleigh. So – we have Rams, Blue Devils, and the Wolfpack vying for bbq rights. The sky was incredible – cloudy, cobalt blue and casting a golden glow on those clouds, that huge golden June cheese of a blue moon. We spotted it as we came out of the hospital and my husband, with great spirit began singing Blue Moon ala the Marcels. It was good to smile and have a bit of fun to lift us up from being so tired. Thank you for asking.

      Hope friend X that you all are beginning with much fun on that vacation.

      Reply

  5. Glenn Buttkus
    Jul 30, 2015 @ 23:53:06

    Blue moon is prevalent, if the sky is clear tonight, I will gaze at it hopefully avoiding the lunatic reaction, whereby I begin searching for adversaries in order to share with them my real feelings. So many lovely twists on the ED common meter prompt out here on the trail. I used six of her devices, but refused to count syllables.

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Jul 31, 2015 @ 00:38:56

      I didn’t count syllables, but out of respect to the Poet, did try best as I could to keep the iambs in order. I was’t consistent with the rhyme scheme, but only by accident and not by intent. It was an excellent exercise in self discipline and form. It is good to have the exercise of such an MTB rather than always harrying off to our own will and forms. The moon was a glorious huge creamy yellow and I must say, I did a bit of howling, getting the neighbor dogs all her up.

      Reply

  6. MarinaSofia
    Jul 31, 2015 @ 03:30:42

    ED was always breaking the rules herself, so I wouldn’t worry about the counting of syllables. I like your use of colour, although the ‘cheese’ word did put me a bit off… (Not, unfortunately for my figure, cheese as a food – love it to bits!)

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Jul 31, 2015 @ 17:34:15

      One of the old tales, and I am sure you know this, is that the moon was made of green (unripe) cheese. It was so huge and round last night and the perfect color of unripe cheese. Here in the south, hoop cheese is a popular item and is rapidly going out of existence, although there are still some small makers who do it. it is an interesting process. It is known as June or Daisy cheese (when made in a red wax mold) and sharp hoop cheese when aged longer and made in a black wax mold. As soon as I saw that moon, June cheese popped in my little brain.

      Reply

  7. Sumana Roy
    Jul 31, 2015 @ 05:03:37

    love the use of color here…

    Reply

  8. Grace
    Jul 31, 2015 @ 08:19:09

    I love the colors in your poem – blue moon, yellow sky, golden halo ~ Wonderful cadence when I read it out loud ~

    Reply

  9. wolfsrosebud
    Jul 31, 2015 @ 10:23:03

    the moon – always a great inspiration

    Reply

  10. Linda Kruschke
    Jul 31, 2015 @ 12:10:22

    I think you did a fine job of following the prompt. I enjoyed this immensely. I love the semi-repeating lines: “The Blue moon glowed as Blue moons will” and “The blue Moon glowed as Blue moons of old –”, with their differing capitalization. Peace, Linda

    Reply

  11. Sanaa Rizvi
    Jul 31, 2015 @ 13:04:08

    This is lovely!!

    Reply

  12. Victoria C. Slotto
    Jul 31, 2015 @ 13:43:47

    Toni–to begin, thank you for the kind welcome back. Your poem is quite reminiscent of of Emily’s work and to have chosen tonight’s blue moon was a splendid idea–wish I’d thought of that. I think ED would highly approve of the liberty you took with the rhyme sequence and meter. That is why her use of common meter worked so well.

    Reply

  13. katiemiafrederick
    Aug 01, 2015 @ 01:14:17

    Yes.. viewing Moon as balance
    with Sun. equAlly imporTant..
    is scale for me..:)

    Reply

  14. Sabio Lantz
    Aug 01, 2015 @ 08:27:01

    8,9,10,10
    AbcA

    9,7,9,9
    ABAB

    Well, you subverted the common meter for sure, with broken iambic, rhyme scrambled and the syllables off. Also, you mention the June moon, maybe because July has two syllables. Probably poetic license! 😉

    Funny about “Blue” moons — they are just an accident of the calendar, nothing unique otherwise. They are a man-made critter. So your moon still had a golden glow — not blue.

    Nice

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Aug 01, 2015 @ 10:26:34

      I mentioned the June moon because I mentioned June cheese…something about American food/culture you do not know about. I, like thousands of others know what a blue moon is.  And I am aware of the faults in my poem regarding rhyme, rhythm. One of the things about dVerse, if you read in dRules, is this community is not about pulling out such things and critiquing; only if the author requests, which I did not, not did the others whom you told about their rhyming. Perhaps in future, you may want to Google things such as June cheese.  No one else had problems knowing about which I spoke. After critiquing, your “nice” rings like a condescending Pat on the head.  That is all you needed to say and kept the rest inside you for your own aggrandizement.

      Reply

      • Sabio Lantz
        Aug 01, 2015 @ 10:41:01

        Since it is July, and we have a rare Blue Moon now, and you brought it up, I thought you were perhaps discussing the Blue Moon on the day your wrote this. My bad, mistaken again.

        I think d’Verse Poets has changed its rules in the last 2 years. You were right, I just noted this in their rules: “Unless you know the poet or she/he has asked for constructive criticism you should refrain from suggesting improvements. dVerse is not primarily a forum for editing.”

        Since I am bad at giving empty compliments, I will stay off your blog from now on. Again, my bad.

        Reply

        • kanzensakura
          Aug 01, 2015 @ 10:53:36

          No problem. As I have said before, you make assumptions you know more than other people. I think we can say none of us know more than everyone else and everyone else knows less. I have also said to you, it is better to be kind than to always be right. If you took the time to read the tone of commenters on other poet’s submissions, you may get the gist of how others commenting. I cannot always like what I read, but I do find something in the poem to like. Courtesy goes further than arrogance. You may not mean to be arrogant but your tone does not always convey that. You have a richness of experience and knowledge that is commendable. But then, so do others.

          If I misconstrued your “nice”, I apologize. If you truly meant it as a compliment and not as a tossed word, then it is my bad for assuming otherewise. If you choose to stay off my blog, that is your choice.

          Reply

  15. Let's CUT the Crap!
    Aug 03, 2015 @ 18:42:32

    Sigh. You did it again. Love the roll of the words off my tongue and the rhythm and rhyme. A most pleasing picture you’ve painted, Kanzen. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Reply

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