Autumn is Fall(ing) to Sleep

We have a guest pubtender, De Jackson, at d’Verse today who is prompting us to write with the enjambment poetic device. Please come visit and read all the varied submissions for this interesting device.  http://dversepoets.com/2015/11/05/lets-get-jambin/

Autumn is Fall(ing) to Sleep
Autumn is fall(ing) to sleep and
the creek at the foot of the hill is not
the gurgling child it was. Slower now
and grey around the edges. Stones left
behind from summer flooding dusty
and sad at being left behind. The frogs
have vanished and dragonflies
with-drawn to their secret blue cave in
the sky. Autumn is fall(ing) to sleep
withered sere leaves drift aimlessly
in the occasional breeze. (Hum)ming birds
have flown farther south to the land of eternal
jewels – treasures of another age –
placed carefully
in a museum of warmth and sun.
One night soon the stars will freeze in
the blackness of winter. Frosted morning grass
will crunch under my feet as I won(wan)der
shoulders hunched hands in my pockets
knowing going on without you is like
trying to thread a needle with one hand
with frozen fingers. Autumn is fall(ing) to sleep.

withered leaf

35 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. whimsygizmo
    Nov 06, 2015 @ 00:23:16

    Oh, heavens.
    I frickin’ LOVE this:
    “the creek at the foot of the hill is not
    the gurgling child it was.” Goodness.

    And this:
    “I won(wan)der” — this is won-derful.

    And I love that hyphen in with-drawn.

    I do believe you rocked this. 🙂

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Nov 06, 2015 @ 00:35:42

      Thank you. You write this form so wonderfully well it was a bit scary to try. I’m more comfortable with Japanese forms so I wrote tanka to fragment and put together. But it was still a scary write.

      Reply

      • whimsygizmo
        Nov 06, 2015 @ 00:44:12

        See? And the Japanese forms all escape me, for the most part. I do love the tanka, though I’m sure mine are true in syllable count, only. 😉 I love that we poets are all wired up so differently. It brings so much d’Verse-ity. 😉

        Reply

        • kanzensakura
          Nov 06, 2015 @ 00:49:50

          Yes it does. We all have our strengths and perceptions and how we express them. My husband reads things to me sometimes so I will get them. I bemoan my monotone style but remind myself Einstein was dyslexic. d’Verse has so many talented writers and I am so glad they let me play with them.

          Reply

          • whimsygizmo
            Nov 06, 2015 @ 00:55:21

            My daughter doesn’t love to read, and auditory works best for her, as well. Now if I could just figure out the math/numbers equivalent for ME. 😉

            Reply

            • kanzensakura
              Nov 06, 2015 @ 01:07:46

              I love to read. I took a speed reading course in University and helped amazingly. As long as the format is such I can follow my finger straight down the page, I do well if I am not overly tired or stressed. I read the last Harry Potter in four hours. It has also helped with my memory retention. I did well in maths and sciences. Latin was my foreign language ,- it was all Greek to me anyhow! My aunt is brilliant but hates to read. I can’t imagine. But try to do crossword or jigsaw puzzles – what a mess I am. I am in awe of people who are artistic or can write what I call wandering poets. Eliot is my favorite poet. The way he can make frustration, fear, puzzlement, self deprecation seem so calm and up front has always amazed me.

              Reply

  2. Linda Kruschke
    Nov 06, 2015 @ 00:30:07

    You write so beautifully of the seasons. You won’t be surprised to hear that my thought on reading this was that if autumn is falling asleep then summer is that much closer to its return. Peace, Linda

    Reply

  3. Sanaa Rizvi
    Nov 06, 2015 @ 07:26:05

    withered sere leaves drift aimlessly
    in the occasional breeze.

    Such a beautifully poignant image.. the season of Autumn leaves us having mixed emotions. Beautifully captured 🙂

    Lots of love,
    Sanaa

    Reply

  4. Grace
    Nov 06, 2015 @ 07:32:43

    Love that fall(ing) season ~ Such gorgeous images of withered sere leaves ~

    Also like this part Toni: Frosted morning grass
    will crunch under my feet as I won(wan)der

    Reply

  5. Mary
    Nov 06, 2015 @ 08:14:41

    This is beautiful. We had such a nice stretch of early autumn weather this past week that I had almost forgotten that we were winding down and that autumn would soon be falling asleep and giving us (shhhhhhh!!) winter. Sigh. I like what you did with the challenge…I think it is one that we can all play with in our own way!

    Reply

  6. writersdream9
    Nov 06, 2015 @ 08:28:34

    This is masterfully done! I love the Fall(ing) indicating the season and what happens! 🙂

    Reply

  7. Laura Bloomsbury
    Nov 06, 2015 @ 10:55:31

    beautiful descriptions woven unhurriedly and unpretentiously just like the fall of autumn –

    Reply

  8. anmol(alias HA)
    Nov 06, 2015 @ 11:23:33

    “Autumn is fall(ing) to sleep” is such a wonderful refrain. Compact and very nicely pieced together through some really good imagery. My favorite is: “the creek at the foot of the hill is not/the gurgling child it was”.
    -HA

    Reply

  9. Glenn Buttkus
    Nov 06, 2015 @ 11:53:30

    First frost two days ago here in the Pacific NW; just adore this piece, the enjambments are sterling, the imagery vivid, the phrasing strong, the refrain haunting, the run on thoughts profound. I certainly echo the statements above regarding the fun & privilege of running with the dVerse pack. I like the lines/& withered sere leaves drift aimlessly/on the occasional breeze/.

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Nov 07, 2015 @ 22:37:37

      Thank you Glenn. I am overwhelmed by your words. I was thinking maybe I was foolish to be so pleased with this poem, felt like – wow, I really did good work on this. And then I read your amazing comment. Thank you.

      Reply

  10. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
    Nov 06, 2015 @ 12:53:34

    Oh I love where you took this.. to show the strength of enjambment without moving too far.. the double meaning in won(wan)der… is perfect, but so is:
    place carefully.
    working as a narrow bridge between the observations of nature and the personal aspect— love it.

    Reply

  11. Hannah Gosselin
    Nov 06, 2015 @ 16:51:47

    I love this especially

    “dragonflies
    with-drawn to their secret blue cave in
    the sky. ”

    and the threading of the needle in the close…you brought nature through your piece beautifully!

    Reply

  12. Candy
    Nov 06, 2015 @ 18:55:18

    what a wonderfully beautiful use of enjambment!

    Reply

  13. lynn__
    Nov 06, 2015 @ 19:45:12

    I enjoyed won(wan)dering through your beautiful poetic rambling enjambment of Autumn fall(ing) asleep…so lovely, Toni!

    Reply

  14. http://vivinfrance.wordpress.com
    Nov 07, 2015 @ 03:50:26

    Gorgeous concept of fall(ling). Perfectly emjambed.

    Reply

  15. MarinaSofia
    Nov 07, 2015 @ 05:15:15

    A lyrical and slightly melancholy take on the progress of autumn, with a gentle use of enjambment rather than showy fireworks. I really enjoyed the subtlety of this!

    Reply

  16. macjam47
    Nov 10, 2015 @ 22:45:30

    I love autumn, and you’ve shown it well. Lovely line – “withered sere leaves drift aimlessly”

    Reply

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