We have a guest pubtender, De Jackson, at d’Verse today who is prompting us to write with the enjambment poetic device. Please come visit and read all the varied submissions for this interesting device. http://dversepoets.com/2015/11/05/lets-get-jambin/
Autumn is Fall(ing) to Sleep
Autumn is fall(ing) to sleep and
the creek at the foot of the hill is not
the gurgling child it was. Slower now
and grey around the edges. Stones left
behind from summer flooding dusty
and sad at being left behind. The frogs
have vanished and dragonflies
with-drawn to their secret blue cave in
the sky. Autumn is fall(ing) to sleep
withered sere leaves drift aimlessly
in the occasional breeze. (Hum)ming birds
have flown farther south to the land of eternal
jewels – treasures of another age –
placed carefully
in a museum of warmth and sun.
One night soon the stars will freeze in
the blackness of winter. Frosted morning grass
will crunch under my feet as I won(wan)der
shoulders hunched hands in my pockets
knowing going on without you is like
trying to thread a needle with one hand
with frozen fingers. Autumn is fall(ing) to sleep.
Nov 06, 2015 @ 00:23:16
Oh, heavens.
I frickin’ LOVE this:
“the creek at the foot of the hill is not
the gurgling child it was.” Goodness.
And this:
“I won(wan)der” — this is won-derful.
And I love that hyphen in with-drawn.
I do believe you rocked this. 🙂
Nov 06, 2015 @ 00:35:42
Thank you. You write this form so wonderfully well it was a bit scary to try. I’m more comfortable with Japanese forms so I wrote tanka to fragment and put together. But it was still a scary write.
Nov 06, 2015 @ 00:44:12
See? And the Japanese forms all escape me, for the most part. I do love the tanka, though I’m sure mine are true in syllable count, only. 😉 I love that we poets are all wired up so differently. It brings so much d’Verse-ity. 😉
Nov 06, 2015 @ 00:49:50
Yes it does. We all have our strengths and perceptions and how we express them. My husband reads things to me sometimes so I will get them. I bemoan my monotone style but remind myself Einstein was dyslexic. d’Verse has so many talented writers and I am so glad they let me play with them.
Nov 06, 2015 @ 00:55:21
My daughter doesn’t love to read, and auditory works best for her, as well. Now if I could just figure out the math/numbers equivalent for ME. 😉
Nov 06, 2015 @ 01:07:46
I love to read. I took a speed reading course in University and helped amazingly. As long as the format is such I can follow my finger straight down the page, I do well if I am not overly tired or stressed. I read the last Harry Potter in four hours. It has also helped with my memory retention. I did well in maths and sciences. Latin was my foreign language ,- it was all Greek to me anyhow! My aunt is brilliant but hates to read. I can’t imagine. But try to do crossword or jigsaw puzzles – what a mess I am. I am in awe of people who are artistic or can write what I call wandering poets. Eliot is my favorite poet. The way he can make frustration, fear, puzzlement, self deprecation seem so calm and up front has always amazed me.
Nov 06, 2015 @ 00:30:07
You write so beautifully of the seasons. You won’t be surprised to hear that my thought on reading this was that if autumn is falling asleep then summer is that much closer to its return. Peace, Linda
Nov 06, 2015 @ 00:31:47
In deed it is. Fall will sleep away the winter to summer! Thank you.
Nov 06, 2015 @ 07:26:05
withered sere leaves drift aimlessly
in the occasional breeze.
Such a beautifully poignant image.. the season of Autumn leaves us having mixed emotions. Beautifully captured 🙂
Lots of love,
Sanaa
Nov 07, 2015 @ 22:49:25
Thank you so much.
Nov 06, 2015 @ 07:32:43
Love that fall(ing) season ~ Such gorgeous images of withered sere leaves ~
Also like this part Toni: Frosted morning grass
will crunch under my feet as I won(wan)der
Nov 06, 2015 @ 08:14:41
This is beautiful. We had such a nice stretch of early autumn weather this past week that I had almost forgotten that we were winding down and that autumn would soon be falling asleep and giving us (shhhhhhh!!) winter. Sigh. I like what you did with the challenge…I think it is one that we can all play with in our own way!
Nov 07, 2015 @ 22:40:05
It was scary. Everyone had submitted such clever and wonderfully designed poems. Thank you.
Nov 06, 2015 @ 08:28:34
This is masterfully done! I love the Fall(ing) indicating the season and what happens! 🙂
Nov 07, 2015 @ 22:39:22
Thank you! 🙂
Nov 06, 2015 @ 10:55:31
beautiful descriptions woven unhurriedly and unpretentiously just like the fall of autumn –
Nov 07, 2015 @ 22:38:23
Oh! Thank you so very much!
Nov 06, 2015 @ 11:23:33
“Autumn is fall(ing) to sleep” is such a wonderful refrain. Compact and very nicely pieced together through some really good imagery. My favorite is: “the creek at the foot of the hill is not/the gurgling child it was”.
-HA
Nov 07, 2015 @ 22:37:59
Thank you very much!
Nov 06, 2015 @ 11:53:30
First frost two days ago here in the Pacific NW; just adore this piece, the enjambments are sterling, the imagery vivid, the phrasing strong, the refrain haunting, the run on thoughts profound. I certainly echo the statements above regarding the fun & privilege of running with the dVerse pack. I like the lines/& withered sere leaves drift aimlessly/on the occasional breeze/.
Nov 07, 2015 @ 22:37:37
Thank you Glenn. I am overwhelmed by your words. I was thinking maybe I was foolish to be so pleased with this poem, felt like – wow, I really did good work on this. And then I read your amazing comment. Thank you.
Nov 06, 2015 @ 12:53:34
Oh I love where you took this.. to show the strength of enjambment without moving too far.. the double meaning in won(wan)der… is perfect, but so is:
place carefully.
working as a narrow bridge between the observations of nature and the personal aspect— love it.
Nov 06, 2015 @ 16:51:47
I love this especially
“dragonflies
with-drawn to their secret blue cave in
the sky. ”
and the threading of the needle in the close…you brought nature through your piece beautifully!
Nov 07, 2015 @ 22:35:59
I am truly complimented by your kind words.
Nov 06, 2015 @ 18:55:18
what a wonderfully beautiful use of enjambment!
Nov 06, 2015 @ 18:57:04
Thank you. I didn’t have a clue as to if I was doing it right!
Nov 06, 2015 @ 19:05:54
I know what you mean! I kept asking myself if this is how De would write it. Fun though!
Nov 06, 2015 @ 19:11:52
It was a scary write, being so unsure of it. I read the ones linked first and saw so much variety. So I just said, okey dokey. We’ll just do it. And then I took it apart. Whew!
Nov 06, 2015 @ 19:45:12
I enjoyed won(wan)dering through your beautiful poetic rambling enjambment of Autumn fall(ing) asleep…so lovely, Toni!
Nov 07, 2015 @ 22:35:16
Thank you! and what fun that you used the won(wan)dering!
Nov 07, 2015 @ 03:50:26
Gorgeous concept of fall(ling). Perfectly emjambed.
Nov 07, 2015 @ 22:34:08
Thank you. It was a scary write for me because it is a device/style I am not comfortable with.
Nov 07, 2015 @ 05:15:15
A lyrical and slightly melancholy take on the progress of autumn, with a gentle use of enjambment rather than showy fireworks. I really enjoyed the subtlety of this!
Nov 07, 2015 @ 22:33:33
Thank you so much. I only get showy when I do the firedancing thing….joking, LOL.
Nov 10, 2015 @ 22:45:30
I love autumn, and you’ve shown it well. Lovely line – “withered sere leaves drift aimlessly”