Meeting the Bar: Golden Shovel

Today at the dVerse Poets Pub, De (WwhimsyGizmo) has given us the poetic form prompt of Golden Shovel. A most interesting form. You take a line or lines from a favorite poem. Each word becomes the last word of a line of the poem. Come visit us to read this distinct reforming of a poem. I have chosen a favorite haiku by Kobayashi Issa. The italicized words at the end of each line are the words of the haiku. I am linking to: http://dversepoets.com/2016/05/05/dverse-meeting-the-bar-the-golden-shovel-form/

Night Stars
The hot dense time of summer
Wraps my garden in slumberous night
so hot the frogs are silent and even
the cicadas sleep – the
distant black horizon explodes with showers of stars.
alone together, the night and I are
gazing in adoration at the crescent moon – the whispering
footsteps of passing covert deer on their way to
the dreaming creek. A lone mockinbird names each
 in their passing, intimately known to the other.

haiku by Issa written in his own hand

haiku by Issa written in his own hand

32 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Victoria C. Slotto
    May 05, 2016 @ 20:44:13

    Oh, wow. Issa! How very stunning.

    Reply

  2. whimsygizmo
    May 05, 2016 @ 20:52:22

    Simply breathtaking.

    Reply

  3. Sanaa Rizvi
    May 05, 2016 @ 20:57:29

    This is absolutely stunning work ❤ ❤

    Reply

  4. ghostmmnc
    May 05, 2016 @ 21:40:48

    You’ve painted a lovely picture with your words. I’d love to be out on a sultry, summer night, watching the stars explode in the sky!

    Reply

  5. Mary
    May 05, 2016 @ 21:51:08

    Oh this feels to me like a warm sticky summer night with all the details you included.
    I like what you did with Issa’s words. Very atmospheric writing.

    Reply

  6. Bodhirose
    May 05, 2016 @ 22:30:32

    I could feel the mugginess heat of the summer’s night but also the beauty in gazing up into the stars with adoration. I like how you expanded on Issa’s words, Toni.

    Reply

  7. The Literary Doc
    May 06, 2016 @ 01:17:47

    The dreaming creek… that is by far my absolutely favorite line! Awesome.

    Reply

  8. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
    May 06, 2016 @ 02:05:40

    This is so great, I do love the thought of the mocking birds especially…

    Reply

  9. kim881
    May 06, 2016 @ 07:18:57

    So gentle and dreamlike.

    Reply

  10. Bryan Ens
    May 06, 2016 @ 09:00:34

    This is so peaceful. Love the mockingbird’s part of naming each one that passes.

    Reply

  11. lillian
    May 06, 2016 @ 09:24:11

    Stunning! Serenity exudes from your words here 🙂 Simply beautiful scene and a calm that comes over the reader with your words.

    Reply

  12. georgeplace2013
    May 06, 2016 @ 09:34:54

    Perfection.

    Reply

  13. Patti
    May 06, 2016 @ 18:10:23

    There’s something mystic about this. It’s almost Native American in its reverence for nature. Really nice!

    Reply

  14. freyathewriter
    May 06, 2016 @ 18:33:30

    ‘Alone together’ – beautiful!

    Reply

  15. writersdream9
    May 07, 2016 @ 09:48:33

    So beautiful, Toni! Brilliant images!

    Reply

  16. kaykuala (@hankkaykuala)
    May 07, 2016 @ 20:30:34

    the night and I are
    gazing in adoration at the crescent moon

    How mesmerizing a moon crescent can be on a starry night. Makes us forget the troubles around us! Wonderful lines Toni!

    Hank

    Reply

  17. PSC
    May 10, 2016 @ 15:58:43

    Oh, yes — lovely! I particularly like “even the cicadas sleep”, “distant black horizon explodes with showers of stars”, “alone together, the night and I are
    gazing in adoration at the crescent moon” – and, yes, that amazing mockingbird! 🙂

    Reply

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