dVerse Poetics: New Moon

Today Grace is prompter for the dVerse Poetics Pub. She is prompting us to write about the new moon. I have done a Bussokusekika, a Japanese poetic form that follows the rules of tanka, except there are three seven syllable lines that end the poem for a 5-7-5-7-7-7.  Come visit Tuesday when the pub opens at 3:00 pm EST.  Poetics: Moon-muse

crescent thin against
the black night – overpowered
by the stars she sings
a faint song of undappled
water and hunting owls – she
is lonely in the darkness

 

new moon - public domain photo

new moon – public domain photo

45 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
    Aug 30, 2016 @ 15:13:55

    There is something so solemn about a moon in its darkly presence..

    Reply

  2. Victoria C. Slotto
    Aug 30, 2016 @ 15:20:33

    I love this poem and the form. Can’t wait to try it. It seems like the Japanese, like the moon, offer us an endless supply of inspiration.

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Aug 30, 2016 @ 19:09:31

      Yes, they do. I love this form but rarely use it. It is older than the tanka and was discovered written on a stone outside the ruins of an ancient temple. For that reason, I use it solely for “serious” poetry or non-sensual poetry. Just me.

      Reply

  3. kim881
    Aug 30, 2016 @ 15:39:05

    I haven’t come across this form before, Toni, and I really like it. I think I might try it out. The beauty of the opening and ending lines ‘crescent thin against
    the black night’ and ‘she/is lonely in the darkness’ frames the rest of the poem.

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Aug 30, 2016 @ 19:08:15

      Thank you Kim. It is a form older than the tanka and its name means Footprint of Buddha. Because of that, I tend to save it for “serious” poems or non-sensual poetry. It fell out of favor in the Japanese court to the tanka which was a sensual form, although I rarely write them as such. Thank you for recognizing the framing of the poem as well.

      Reply

      • kim881
        Aug 31, 2016 @ 02:39:36

        I’m amazed at the many forms of Japanese poetry, all with their subtle differences. Generally, most people have only heard of haiku. An ex-student of mine is spending a year in Japan to study all things Japanese. I’m following his blog, so I’ll see what he learns there. Fascinating!

        Reply

  4. Kathy Reed
    Aug 30, 2016 @ 15:41:18

    I think the shorter poems work better than longer ones when it comes to the moon. You focused only on the new moon’s beauty and intrigue

    Reply

  5. lillian
    Aug 30, 2016 @ 16:54:12

    Exquisite personification of this sliver moon. Absolutely beautiful! I love the song of undappled water and hunting owls…

    Reply

  6. Sanaa Rizvi (@rizvi_sanaa)
    Aug 30, 2016 @ 17:07:06

    Beautiful! ❤ Love the image of moon and its faint song of undappled water and hunting owls ❤

    Reply

  7. Grace
    Aug 30, 2016 @ 17:45:28

    I specially love: a faint song of undappled
    water and hunting owls

    Such a haunting imagery of the lonely moon!

    Reply

  8. Glenn Buttkus
    Aug 30, 2016 @ 18:54:49

    Once I was dive-bombed by great white owl during a full harvest moon; scared the hell out of me, even though I was in a car. Is this piece some other “new” Japanese form, or just pure Toni?

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Aug 30, 2016 @ 19:04:19

      It is an ancient form, even older than the tanka. It was discovered written on a stone outside the ruins of an ancient temple and means “Footprint of Buddha”. I gave the name of it in the prequel to my poem. And it is a long one: Bussokusekika. Lol, good on that white owl for dive bombing you if you ever think I would use a new Japanese form….

      Reply

  9. whimsygizmo
    Aug 30, 2016 @ 18:59:14

    Just.too.gorgeous.:
    “a faint song of undappled
    water and hunting owls”

    Reply

  10. sreejaharikrishnan
    Aug 31, 2016 @ 01:18:53

    Ah, that’s exactly the image on some days! Beautiful!

    Reply

  11. Bodhirose
    Aug 31, 2016 @ 01:51:49

    I love that she sings a faint song…so beautiful, Toni!

    Reply

  12. Carol J Forrester
    Aug 31, 2016 @ 04:51:06

    I love the image of her singing a song of water and hunting owls, it’s just perfect.

    Reply

  13. sarahsouthwest
    Aug 31, 2016 @ 05:07:44

    Very lovely. Beautiful images and such a reverent tone, somehow.

    Reply

  14. Ayala
    Aug 31, 2016 @ 07:09:18

    Lovely !

    Reply

  15. georgeplace2013
    Aug 31, 2016 @ 08:03:45

    LOVE this “faint song of undappled
    water and hunting owls”

    Reply

  16. Bryan Ens
    Aug 31, 2016 @ 09:24:06

    Oh poor moon. Lonely, and yet adored by so many.

    Reply

  17. ladynyo
    Aug 31, 2016 @ 10:11:41

    Delicate, delicate…goes perfectly with the crescent moon. Lovely.

    Reply

  18. Walter J. Wojtanik
    Aug 31, 2016 @ 14:48:36

    Always on the hunt for new forms, so this fits the bill nicely. And your use of it framed the moon perfectly, Toni. Thanks for both!

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Sep 05, 2016 @ 14:25:37

      You are most welcome. The form follows the rules for classic tanka. I use this form occassionally. Because of it being found on a stone outside of a ruined temple, I tend to keep it solemn and/or wworshipful in tone, unlike the standard tanka which can be sensual in nature. But that is just me. The japanese tend to somewhat modest in their writing (unlike their artwork). So ikeep this form “clean”.

      Reply

  19. Josslyn Rae Turner
    Aug 31, 2016 @ 22:05:39

    Beautiful! ❤

    Reply

  20. lucychili
    Sep 01, 2016 @ 03:35:32

    Perhaps the owls harmonise =)

    Reply

  21. Imelda
    Sep 01, 2016 @ 09:42:02

    this is haunting. Oh, Moon, alone among the stars….

    Reply

  22. Linda Kruschke
    Sep 01, 2016 @ 15:31:56

    This is beautiful. I love that you included that the crescent moon is overpowered by the stars, and yet she hangs in there.

    Reply

  23. kaykuala (@hankkaykuala)
    Sep 03, 2016 @ 04:01:08

    a faint song of undappled
    water and hunting owls – she
    is lonely in the darkness

    Like that feeling of being thin being emphasized as a reason to be overwhelmed by the many number of stars. Good form as alternative to tanka!

    Hank

    Reply

  24. Marilyn Cavicchia
    Sep 03, 2016 @ 13:30:56

    Lovely and forlorn. It’s perfect that she sings about water and hunting owls — that’s just what the moon would sing about. 🙂 I love that she is overpowered and her song faint, yet there it is, strong in its way.

    Reply

  25. Trackback: INFORM POETS – BUSSOKUSEKIKA | POETIC BLOOMINGS
  26. Mish
    Sep 11, 2016 @ 01:05:25

    A very late comment…sorry. This is so lovely and melancholy.
    I agree with all above regarding this line…wow….”a faint song of undappled
    water and hunting owls”
    So glad I came by to catch up…wouldn’t have wanted to miss this one. 🙂

    Reply

  27. The Love Family (@BParisel)
    Nov 22, 2016 @ 14:55:12

    The MOON is a SHE and the SUN is a HE.
    Sun and Moon have the same size.
    YIN & YANG show how the polarize.
    The man SUN brings the fresh harmonys to the key note.
    The woman MOON brings the melancholy into the nights sounds.
    FATHER in HEAVEN made all right: music in time with math
    “I heard there was a secret cord…” LOVE & PEACE ❤ BigiLove

    Reply

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