The Errant Stars

For Kerry’s Prompt over at Real Toads – Camera Flash!  I will also be posting this on Poetry Pantry.


The Errant Stars
On the other side of twilight
errant stars begin to twinkle
in the bloodstained West –
A feeling of grey covers the earth
and birds go silent.
The wind sloughs across
the fields of gold
the same way it blows over the sea.
The wheat ripples
and the sound is like
that of the sea.
A silver ribbon stream sings its way
to the bottom of the hill,
reflecting the silent sky.
But birds are quiet now
and errant stars twinkle in
the bloodstained west –
And grey turns to black
over the murmuring sea.

Crepuscule – Heinrich Kuhn (1897)

38 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jim
    Mar 03, 2018 @ 23:31:53

    The land is feeling doom and gloom but the stars are still twinkling, perhaps there is hope someday. A nice write, Sanaa, this is hard to write I know. We just don’t want to say what is true. You did fine in symbolism.


  2. oldegg
    Mar 03, 2018 @ 23:32:21

    How well your words captured the dusk of day and the gradual quieting of daytime activities.


  3. Sherry Blue sky
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 00:26:42

    So beautiful!


  4. Kerry O'Connor
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 00:57:30

    The mood you have captured suits the scene very well. I especially like the way you have concluded.


  5. Sanaa Rizvi
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 03:22:29

    ‘and errant stars twinkle in the bloodstained west – And grey turns to black
    over the murmuring sea’… this is so poignant!


  6. hedgewitch
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 07:19:24

    This really captures the mood of the photo–that sort of shimmering twilight where our human perspective blurrs into something larger. Beautiful.


  7. Brendan
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 07:34:32

    Perfectly done. Halcyon and still and fading out.


  8. hypercryptical
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 08:54:10

    Yes, twilight does this, makes us reflect and wonder…
    I think its quietness makes us hear and see more too.
    Anna :o]


  9. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 11:34:07

    Love how you brought in the sound here… I almost thought I could hear the stars.


  10. Magaly Guerrero
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 16:08:02

    That bloodstained sky stays in the mind, all reds and darkness…


  11. Donna@LivingFromHappiness
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 16:25:40

    ‘On the other side of twilight
    errant stars begin to twinkle
    in the bloodstained West’

    Certainly seems like this country is bloodstained and turning the earth gray. You did a wonderful job describing this scene with all the senses.


  12. kanzensakura
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 16:57:33

    Not only this country but others as well, such as Syria, Russia…all of them actually, except maybe Wales.


  13. Vivian Zems
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 16:57:44

    Those errant stars seem to be the only twinkle of hope in the gray. Like this 🙂


  14. Rosemary Nissen-Wade
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 17:21:48

    A beautiful picture in words, which not only matches but amplifies the visual image.


  15. Margaret Elizabeth Bednar
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 19:26:10

    The same sky hovers over decades and centuries – I don’t know if you meant to invoke the “wild west” but I couldn’t help but think of the battles and death that occurred and how the same twilight and birds and sky carry on after such things… the murmuring starts and life goes on…


  16. magicalmysticalteacher
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 19:39:11

    I’m thinking, as I read your poem, of the World Wars and the millions who were slaughtered because of human greed, because of nationalism, because of intolerance.


  17. dsnake1
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 20:30:29

    this is a very good response to the picture.
    the west is in a bit of a mess lately, and it is good that errant stars begin to twinkle. even if it is on the other side of twilight.


  18. thotpurge
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 20:48:29

    I read it again after seeing your comment about depression… that sense of gloom is hopefully broken by those twinkling stars.


  19. Victoria C. Slotto
    Mar 04, 2018 @ 23:04:22

    I don’t usually read comments but I happened to see yours, that this is about your depression. I was going to say that this is one of the best free form poems of yours, if not the best, and I will still say that. Which goes to prove that beauty can emerge from pain and darkness and does seem to do so so often. The descriptions in this are just so good.


  20. jaerose37
    Mar 05, 2018 @ 03:31:29

    What a sublime poem – you really took us into the image


  21. mhmp77
    Mar 05, 2018 @ 05:48:54


    A great way of welcoming the night and bidding farewell to the end of the day!



  22. annell4
    Mar 05, 2018 @ 09:18:20

    How beautiful the image you paint!


  23. Carrie V. H.C
    Mar 05, 2018 @ 13:58:47

    This is utterly beautiful!


  24. Neeraj Khanka
    Mar 05, 2018 @ 14:02:40

    Beautifully merging into the theme..


  25. ladynyo
    Mar 05, 2018 @ 16:28:26

    Whoa. This is so visual, Toni. Only you can create such a scene. I loved this and read it three times. It feels good in the mouth, too!


  26. Mary
    Mar 06, 2018 @ 14:27:20

    Really such a beautiful and peaceful poem, Toni! A breath of fresh air.


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