For Kerry’s Prompt over at Real Toads – Camera Flash! I will also be posting this on Poetry Pantry.
The Errant Stars
On the other side of twilight
errant stars begin to twinkle
in the bloodstained West –
A feeling of grey covers the earth
and birds go silent.
The wind sloughs across
the fields of gold
the same way it blows over the sea.
The wheat ripples
and the sound is like
that of the sea.
A silver ribbon stream sings its way
to the bottom of the hill,
reflecting the silent sky.
But birds are quiet now
and errant stars twinkle in
the bloodstained west –
And grey turns to black
over the murmuring sea.
Crepuscule – Heinrich Kuhn (1897)
Mar 03, 2018 @ 23:31:53
The land is feeling doom and gloom but the stars are still twinkling, perhaps there is hope someday. A nice write, Sanaa, this is hard to write I know. We just don’t want to say what is true. You did fine in symbolism.
..
Mar 04, 2018 @ 16:53:05
Actually, this poem is about my depression but people take it different ways which is a good thing. I like when people see things in my poetry.
Mar 03, 2018 @ 23:32:21
How well your words captured the dusk of day and the gradual quieting of daytime activities.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 00:26:42
So beautiful!
Mar 04, 2018 @ 00:57:30
The mood you have captured suits the scene very well. I especially like the way you have concluded.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 03:22:29
‘and errant stars twinkle in the bloodstained west – And grey turns to black
over the murmuring sea’… this is so poignant!
Mar 04, 2018 @ 16:58:51
Thank you Sanaa
Mar 04, 2018 @ 07:19:24
This really captures the mood of the photo–that sort of shimmering twilight where our human perspective blurrs into something larger. Beautiful.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 14:40:42
Thank you so much.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 07:34:32
Perfectly done. Halcyon and still and fading out.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 16:58:13
Thank you
Mar 04, 2018 @ 08:54:10
Yes, twilight does this, makes us reflect and wonder…
I think its quietness makes us hear and see more too.
Anna :o]
Mar 04, 2018 @ 16:55:58
I totally agree with you Anna.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 11:34:07
Love how you brought in the sound here… I almost thought I could hear the stars.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 16:55:11
At times I can hear them and other times they are silent. But if you listen hard enough you can hear them as well.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 16:08:02
That bloodstained sky stays in the mind, all reds and darkness…
Mar 04, 2018 @ 16:25:40
‘On the other side of twilight
errant stars begin to twinkle
in the bloodstained West’
Certainly seems like this country is bloodstained and turning the earth gray. You did a wonderful job describing this scene with all the senses.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 16:57:33
Not only this country but others as well, such as Syria, Russia…all of them actually, except maybe Wales.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 16:57:44
Those errant stars seem to be the only twinkle of hope in the gray. Like this 🙂
Mar 04, 2018 @ 17:00:03
I rely on those stars to give me hope.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 20:54:08
Amen to that!
Mar 04, 2018 @ 17:21:48
A beautiful picture in words, which not only matches but amplifies the visual image.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 19:26:10
The same sky hovers over decades and centuries – I don’t know if you meant to invoke the “wild west” but I couldn’t help but think of the battles and death that occurred and how the same twilight and birds and sky carry on after such things… the murmuring starts and life goes on…
Mar 04, 2018 @ 19:39:11
I’m thinking, as I read your poem, of the World Wars and the millions who were slaughtered because of human greed, because of nationalism, because of intolerance.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 20:30:29
this is a very good response to the picture.
the west is in a bit of a mess lately, and it is good that errant stars begin to twinkle. even if it is on the other side of twilight.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 20:48:29
I read it again after seeing your comment about depression… that sense of gloom is hopefully broken by those twinkling stars.
Mar 04, 2018 @ 23:04:22
I don’t usually read comments but I happened to see yours, that this is about your depression. I was going to say that this is one of the best free form poems of yours, if not the best, and I will still say that. Which goes to prove that beauty can emerge from pain and darkness and does seem to do so so often. The descriptions in this are just so good.
Mar 05, 2018 @ 03:31:29
What a sublime poem – you really took us into the image
Mar 05, 2018 @ 05:48:54
kaykuala
A great way of welcoming the night and bidding farewell to the end of the day!
Hank
Mar 05, 2018 @ 09:18:20
How beautiful the image you paint!
Mar 05, 2018 @ 13:58:47
This is utterly beautiful!
Mar 05, 2018 @ 19:26:13
Thank you!
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Mar 05, 2018 @ 14:02:40
Beautifully merging into the theme..
Mar 05, 2018 @ 16:28:26
Whoa. This is so visual, Toni. Only you can create such a scene. I loved this and read it three times. It feels good in the mouth, too!
Mar 05, 2018 @ 19:03:28
Thank you Jane. I must admit, I liked writing it.
Mar 05, 2018 @ 21:09:47
I can see why. And I loved reading it.
Mar 06, 2018 @ 14:27:20
Really such a beautiful and peaceful poem, Toni! A breath of fresh air.
Mar 06, 2018 @ 14:36:51
Thank you Mary.
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