Primal Fear

For Izy’s prompt over at Toads. We are to take one of our fears and write it into ridiculousness.

Primal Fear
Fear.
I have a deep dark secret.
I see….food.
Food made from strange things.
I have a fear of going to potlucks,
To church suppers,
To reunion dinners with my husband’s kin.
Potato salad made from thawed frozen French fries.
Ice box cakes made from twinkies –
From Twinkies and cool whip!
God. I can hardly write the words.
Avocados made from jello
And sour cream with a…gulp!
A Ferro Roche center.
The horrors!
I fear food made from strange things.
People buy molds to make the
Ersatz avocado.
They may as well make a gun
From fondant and shoot me with it.

39 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Glenn Buttkus
    Jul 26, 2018 @ 17:36:19

    Yes–potluck blues indeed. Traveling sets me up the same way, as I try to broaden the horizons of my palette, and getting sick and disappointed instead.

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Jul 26, 2018 @ 18:14:11

      I always take good stuff. I don’t know why people feel they have to bring trash food. But then again, maybe they think it is good. I usually grab a piece of fried chicken and a roll. and a cokie or slice of pie. I eat before I go anymore.

      Reply

  2. coalblack
    Jul 26, 2018 @ 17:52:28

    oh GAG.

    Reply

  3. erbiage
    Jul 26, 2018 @ 18:16:48

    Have you seen what Japanese people eat?!? Lol I’m afraid too

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    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Jul 26, 2018 @ 18:43:58

      Lol. Of course I have. I have traveled there and stayed for several months at the time. I lived off yakitori, onomiyaki, udon, miso soup, tonkatsu, and salads. I refused to eat the fish anything. I wouldn’t eat the guts anything either. The baked goods aren’t bad. I lived with a Japanese man for 13byears so I am fairly acquainted with the cuisine.

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  4. isadoragruye
    Jul 26, 2018 @ 19:52:37

    This is playful and terrifying at the same time! Love where the prompt took you. Thanks for posting to the out of standard!

    Reply

  5. willow88switches: Pat
    Jul 26, 2018 @ 19:53:52

    Food nightmares? LOL –
    isn’t that part of the business end of your “being” and “job” …. and I’m surprised that people don’t badger, pester and demand that you do more cooking for events and family whatevers … which, of course, would be annoying …. but uh, yeah, potato salad made with frozen french fries? like what tater tots? okay, I’m not gonna let my mind wander past this … and jello molds and never mind, I’m having enough of a problem with food anyhow … I don’t need more nightmares!

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Jul 26, 2018 @ 20:15:33

      Smiling. Actually, I am one if the three people at my church in charge of the exceptional professional kitchen We have. Last Sunday we had a funeral with a reception for 300 guests after the funeral. I always adk for the teens as I like working with the teens and they like working with me. I also volunteer two days a week at the local Food Bank cooking for Meals on Wheels, summer feeding programs for kids and the underprivileged. I love doing this work. I cook for those I love now rather than for money.

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      • willow88switches: Pat
        Jul 26, 2018 @ 20:21:07

        holy smokes …. that’s one large funeral! wow!
        you’ve mentioned this before – (smiling) – it’s good that you have found a niche where your talents and services offer more than just food for the belly – and that you feel like you’re serving a more truthful soul’s calling …
        actually, your comment brings memories to me, rushing to the fore – 3 of 4 of my grandparents were cooks/chefs … many a time I spent in church basements and at other events (catering) etc. as a child, in the company of one of my grandmothers.

        Reply

        • kanzensakura
          Jul 26, 2018 @ 20:56:50

          That is a wonderful memory! The man who died had a huge family and a ton of friends. I Didn’t go as we were cooking and setting up tables. I went the day before and baked 4 hand, big uns! A bathtub full of tater salad too. Volunteers brought in desserts. No frozen French fry potato salad at this reception

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          • willow88switches: Pat
            Jul 26, 2018 @ 21:56:58

            LOL@the frozen fries tater salad idea *shuddering*
            clearly, that is really a big event – and for sure, it will have been quite the cooking/set up etc. Geeze, that just brings me right back to those moments …. you must be tired. Especially in all that heat – although churches tend to be cool – so there is this good thing …

            Reply

  6. rothpoetry
    Jul 26, 2018 @ 20:03:56

    Scary isn’t it!! I never thought of it in this way before. Love pot luck dinners myself! …and it shows!!

    Reply

  7. Frank Hubeny
    Jul 26, 2018 @ 20:54:27

    I remember liking Twinkies, but that was in the good old days when I could eat them even though I probably shouldn’t have.

    Reply

  8. Tim Philippart
    Jul 26, 2018 @ 21:47:23

    I hated when the mixed things I would never eat individually into a concoction I could not resist once combined.

    Reply

  9. peppermint radio
    Jul 26, 2018 @ 22:47:00

    Thank goodness the potlucks I’ve been to were much yummier than this. 🙂

    Reply

  10. kim881
    Jul 27, 2018 @ 02:00:05

    I have never been to a potluck, church supper or reunion dinner. I don’t even know if we have them over here. But with my stomach and weird constitution, I would have to stay away, especially from ‘Potato salad made from thawed frozen French fries’! I’m with you, Toni, in the fear of food made from strange things. I think I’ll stay safe with a veggie Michael Mosley diet!

    Reply

  11. sanaarizvi
    Jul 27, 2018 @ 05:21:48

    This is both playful and terrifying at the same time.. I too have my share of fears regarding food made from peculiar things. 💜

    Reply

  12. oldegg
    Jul 27, 2018 @ 06:52:40

    Many years ago my father-in-law had this fear of going to events with “mucked up food” he would call it, as he was so used to real food and “proper” cooking at home!

    Reply

  13. Laura Bloomsbury
    Jul 27, 2018 @ 07:00:50

    Nothing more phobic inducing than faux food – love the nauseating list and of course the potshot at the end which made me smile instead of retch

    Reply

  14. Tranature - quiet moments in nature
    Jul 27, 2018 @ 07:01:48

    A lovely write Toni, we eat mostly organic and homegrown food and are lucky that most places and events we go to are on the same page – otherwise we bring our own picnic to share, both for the dogs and for ourselves (Eivor and Pearl stay well clear from ‘puppuccinos’) ;o) xxx

    Reply

  15. annell4
    Jul 27, 2018 @ 09:19:09

    I didn’t realize it, but reading of your fears of strange food, I think I have it too. Great write!!

    Reply

  16. anmol(alias HA)
    Jul 27, 2018 @ 10:38:54

    HA! I too am afraid of such horrid food pairings. Thankfully, people like it simple and familiar in my circle.
    An enjoyable write.
    -HA

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Jul 27, 2018 @ 12:47:04

      In my close knit circle the folks prefer real food. When one goes to in-law family gatherings or gatherings at church, one cannot be so…choosy. I learned many years ago the things to eat and trust and the stuff to leave on the table. In the South there is lamost always a reception or meal after the service. I don’t know about your area. Most of the time the food is simple and straightforward. Ham or turkey rolls for example.

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  17. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
    Jul 27, 2018 @ 10:41:48

    There is a drawback of being a cook… you always want to now what you eat. Sometimes we can be surprised by something familiar…. (but anything Jell-O is poison to me)

    Reply

  18. Sherry Marr
    Jul 27, 2018 @ 13:25:12

    This made me smile…….strange food at buffets…..I hear you!

    Reply

  19. MrsBednar
    Jul 27, 2018 @ 17:13:44

    Potato salad made from french fries! Ha. I can see why to a chef this is a nightmare 🙂

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Jul 27, 2018 @ 22:07:20

      Lordy Margaret, frozen thawed French fries, chopped. My husband’s aunt went on and on about what a great time saver this was. I was muttering that it would only take me 5 seconds to pitch the whole mess.

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  20. lillian
    Jul 27, 2018 @ 18:43:40

    Literally laughing out loud! Oh you made my day, dear friend. Those last two lines had me sputtering with glee! Reminds me of the one time, flipping through tv channels, that I came across Paula Deen’s show. She was making a bread pudding and I watched in horror as she used sweetened condensed milk and Krispy Kreme doughnuts instead of bread!!!!

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Jul 27, 2018 @ 22:09:00

      O….M….G. The sweetened condensed milk to make the custard is one thing but donuts??? Oh the horrors.

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  21. Jim
    Jul 27, 2018 @ 23:26:48

    I fit in here, like it, Toni. A friend once sneaked a pretty frosted cake made from a stack pile of donuts. I don’t eat donuts, haven’t for eleven years. A cold fear ran down, or up–I don’t remember, my spine. The group all laughed and scarfed up the cake. My friend later apologized.
    ..

    Reply

  22. BloomsandBeautifuls
    Aug 13, 2018 @ 21:58:17

    Oh my gosh I find this to be so funny! 😂

    Reply

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