Hidden Perseids

Sherry at Real Toads is tasking us to take a line from a poem and make it the first line of a new poem – a piggy back poem.  The first line is taken from Sweeney Among the Nightingales by T.S. Eliot, one of my favorite poets.

Hidden Perseids
“Writing anything is a treason of sorts.” Anthony Bourdain

Gloomy Orion and the Dog are veiled;
Dog days. Sweltering hot and steamy.
The night is cloudy covering the moon
and hiding the stars.
I was hoping to watch the Perseids.
The Swift-Tuttle is hiding its face tonight.
No grains of sand being set afire
as they fall to earth.
I wait for the fires in the sky.
The Dog wanders willy-nilly trying to get
Orion to play.
It is too hot and Orion is all out of fun.
I sigh deeply.
I put my head down on my knees
and listen to the mocking bird copying
the blackbird. The fire is there.
I just am blind to it.

Perseids – NASA


25 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. coalblack
    Aug 09, 2018 @ 17:02:32

    Hmm, I wonder if the Dog Star’s leash is tied to Orion’s belt? Once again, you ace nature and a feeling that is easy to identify with but hard to describe, with your last few lines. Once again, brava.


  2. Sherry Marr
    Aug 09, 2018 @ 17:35:03

    This is so lovely, Toni. I can see you, head down, on your steps, where you so often sit. The fire is there, for sure. We just cant always see it. I love the wandering dog star, and Orion all out of fun.


  3. anmol(alias HA)
    Aug 09, 2018 @ 18:48:14

    Oh, the fire is there, just so that the blaze doesn’t touch us sometimes. I am gazing (agape) at the sky with you — unfortunately, the stars aren’t visible in the city proper because of pollution.
    “I put my head down on my knees/and listen to the mocking bird copying/the blackbird.”: I really liked the comfortable tone of this line, it is homely and so sweet.


    • kanzensakura
      Aug 09, 2018 @ 18:52:24

      Thank you. You are welcome to gape at the sky anytime with me. Listeing to the night sounds, all of them different depending on the night, on the weather. 🙂


  4. Jim
    Aug 09, 2018 @ 19:33:55

    I love watching the perseids burning. Most times I don’t see many but usually a few as we live on the edge of the city. I loved that the mocking birds keep calling, they may be chatting about those perseids if they can see through the clouds (or they likely are ignorant of them, but it is more romantic to think they are special). Many birds can see into the ultraviolet spectrum if that would help. I don’t know about the mocking birds, eagles and owls are able to see the most even in our “dark”.


  5. MrsBednar
    Aug 09, 2018 @ 20:01:07

    “The Dog wanders willy-nilly trying to get
    Orion to play.
    It is too hot and Orion is all out of fun” JUST LOVE!

    I feel as if I’m standing with you under the night sky, the mockingbird reference and the whole is so evocative.


  6. Pat: willow88switches
    Aug 09, 2018 @ 21:35:02

    wonderful opening line …. extremely striking, and as one who loves star gazing, as you’ve noted, I can appreciate how it appeals …. it’s a bit quirky, and yet, what a story to unfold …. and you have, with a wonderful delight, and sense of play, but for the mourning too, waiting for … on … the skies to clear, just sitting and waiting for the night fire … but being attuned to the other night sounds and creatures … the mockingbird … well, sometimes, those songs must be sung …

    rich for the soft images, and layers of meaning … and maybe, just maybe, this night, you might catch some shooting stars and wish …


  7. Victoria C. Slotto
    Aug 10, 2018 @ 00:04:19

    Impressive last line. Nice imagery, personification. Our smoke-filled skies keep me from even imagining, but we are blessed compared to so many.


  8. oldegg
    Aug 10, 2018 @ 03:22:00

    I’ll be glad for spring and summer to come round again (in Australia) and wait for the fires in the sky so the heavens can talk to me once more and make me feel so very small and leave me wondering. Beautifully written kanzen sakura.


  9. Ron.
    Aug 10, 2018 @ 06:46:01

    I’m always eyes-up. This is outstanding work. Thanks!


  10. Marie Elena
    Aug 10, 2018 @ 08:47:37

    Excellent piece, this.

    “I put my head down on my knees
    and listen to the mocking bird copying
    the blackbird. The fire is there.
    I just am blind to it.”

    This contains SO MUCH, in so few words. Wow.


  11. annell4
    Aug 10, 2018 @ 10:01:24

    To wonder…wander in space with words.


  12. Laura Bloomsbury
    Aug 10, 2018 @ 10:15:50

    the fire of inspiration never seems to go out with you – a dog day poem that conjures these hot nights wherever everything just burns up like falling stars – Sunday is predicted to be best as there is a new moon


  13. Kerry
    Aug 10, 2018 @ 15:33:17

    I always take a moment to look at the stars.. I wish I knew all their names.


    • kanzensakura
      Aug 10, 2018 @ 16:25:38

      Years ago in University I took several courses I astronomy. I lived it. They had a special class on southern hemisphere stars and constellations, simulated of course. I love the stars ad their various seasons

      Get Outlook for Android



  14. lillian
    Aug 11, 2018 @ 12:27:47

    Thank you for bringing me star-gazing with you, Toni. A beautiful write…and the personal touch at the end of sitting on the porch…an every day/night action, with head down on knees. Perhaps moving from star gazing to gazing within?
    Lovely lovely post!


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