Haibun: Gold Day

For Frank’s prompt on dVerse – heartbreak or frustration.  This is a rewriting and reworking of an original poem.  In Japan, Friday is often known as Gold Day.  this is about my lover who left to return to Japan so many years ago.

Gold Day
The afternoon you left was a golden roux of fading autumn sunlight, spicy oak leaves – bright yellow, still holding on to the tree, not yet ready to fall, and bitter salt tears – like the oak leaves – refusing to fall, refusing to join the earlier faded maple leaves on the lawn. Under the trees, quiet and still. I allow the knowledge of your leaving to permeate my being. I am still breathing. My heart is still beating. The sky is still ethereal blue with purest white autumn clouds wafting their way to the end of the horizon. Starlings lift from the telephone wires to follow the clouds. I realize, I will continue on my way – leaves will change color and fall, snow will cover the sepia winter landscape – cherry blossoms will bud, bloom, and fade. Trees will leaf in explosions of green, leaves will change color and fall. Seasons and things will pass. inside, my soul says “Oh!” I sit as the gold day ends.
early leaf burning –
its incense drifts to heaven –
autumn’s voice whispers.



17 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Frank Hubeny
    Sep 04, 2018 @ 17:54:22

    This part stands out for me: ‘my soul says “Oh!”’ Sometimes the simplest comment says it all. Very nice.


  2. Beverly Crawford
    Sep 04, 2018 @ 17:54:49

    So wisely likening the seasons of a relationship to the seasons of nature. Beautifully written.


  3. V.J. Knutson
    Sep 04, 2018 @ 18:01:55

    Melancholy is the word I would use to describe your beautiful description. The recognition that emotions, like the seasons, morph is nicely expressed.


  4. Victoria Stuart
    Sep 04, 2018 @ 18:10:02

    I really love how the form of this follows the emotional healing. First just an outpouring, using the breaks of the actual page, until your soul wakes up and the lines fall into a different form. And the tears refusing to fall just like the leaves…beautiful!


  5. Glenn Buttkus
    Sep 04, 2018 @ 18:18:02

    The heart is an organ, a muscle, and our emotional core. You had great scope in tracing the emotional changes over a year; nice ride.


  6. revivedwriter
    Sep 04, 2018 @ 18:41:13

    “Golden roux of fading autumn sumight” — such a creative and vivid metaphor!


  7. anmol(alias HA)
    Sep 04, 2018 @ 18:56:47

    “I realize, I will continue on my way…” acts as a pivotal point in this story. Those autumn images are reflective of the self — the unshed leaves like those tears and ethereal blue sky work so well.
    If this is the autumn voice, it seems pretty wise. 🙂


  8. Jo
    Sep 04, 2018 @ 19:44:36

    Continuing to go on, even after heartbreak — powerful message!


  9. Singledust
    Sep 04, 2018 @ 19:55:00

    the exclamation Oh, that said more about his leaving, confusion, frustration, anger and a whole lot more, I felt that oh deep in my heart too once a long time ago


  10. K. McGee
    Sep 04, 2018 @ 20:12:02

    Even as the seasons within and about us change, and the circumstance of our lives alter to adapt, life continues to move us forward. Sometimes we recognize this immediately and sometimes it takes us by surprise. This was a beautiful read.


  11. Sascha Darlington
    Sep 04, 2018 @ 21:19:03

    This is beautiful. I love how the narrator acknowledges that everything around continues to transition, change, move forward.


  12. kim881
    Sep 05, 2018 @ 03:36:48

    From now on I shall think of Friday as the gold day, Toni. You’ve delighted my senses with your haibun; I love the descriptions of leaves and the starlings lifting from the telephone wire and ‘my soul says “Oh!” I sit as the gold day ends’. Autumn incense is so evocative!


  13. annell4
    Sep 05, 2018 @ 10:43:29

    Beautiful like a prayer.


  14. coalblack
    Sep 05, 2018 @ 11:33:47

    You had me at your choice of the word “roux”, but ‘ll go one to say what a perfect capture of the feeling of fall–in all its interpretations–this is.


  15. Kathy Reed
    Sep 05, 2018 @ 12:35:04

    An oh, so winsome version of “life goes on”.


  16. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
    Sep 05, 2018 @ 14:16:38

    I really love the way you describe the tears as those leaves of an oak-tree… I so recognize the feeling of tears that cling without falling… I know your heartbreak, and this describe it so well.


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