Boroboro no hata

For Marian’s prompt over at Toads – a nonet.  A nonet consists of nine lines, first line nine syllables, second 8, 3rd 7, etc.  A reverse can be done to accompany it beginning with 1 syllable, then two, etc.  Nine was the best I could do.  I don’t mind counting syllables but rhymes….forget about it! Also osted at Poets United Poetry Pantry.

*Boroboro no hata

leaves like fallen flags – tattered banners
sodden by all day rain stick to
the asphalt – brown and dull gold –
dreams of red still clinging
to branches – a cold
fire burning day.
hawk circles –
Grey sky
weeps.

*Japanese for tattered banners or flags

 

29 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Pat: willow88switches
    Sep 08, 2018 @ 17:39:57

    I think you’ve captured the essence of that transitional, fall(ing) day … where the moment is wet, cool, grey, and everything seems to be suddenly shifting, right out from under one’s feet. A “blink of an eye” thing – and oddly, but not really, your nonnet has a very zen feeling, and in fact, the form, as you’ve used it, could easily be closeting itself as a Japanese form.

    Well done and I really love the title and the idea of fall’s leaves being “prayer flags” – that is special. 🙂

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Sep 08, 2018 @ 17:44:52

      Lol. It is a reformed Japanese poem I write a few years ago. My brain doesn’t do well at western forms but does okay at Japanese forms. It has been rainy all day thanks to the hurricane coming up the coast. This put me in mind of a rainy autumn day. Thank you Pat for your kind words.

      Reply

      • Pat: willow88switches
        Sep 08, 2018 @ 17:53:32

        well, hey, we’ll call it international poetics and be pleased with it; cause it works regardless 😉

        try to not get too soggy-bottomed for all that rain and blustery weather! (we have frost advisories here, for this overnight ~ I’m shivering for the cool. [sheesh])

        Reply

        • kanzensakura
          Sep 08, 2018 @ 18:28:53

          Wow. Frost warnings. We Don’t usually have those until late Oct to mid-nov. I am envious.

          Get Outlook for Android

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          Reply

          • Pat: willow88switches
            Sep 08, 2018 @ 18:31:25

            LOL – yes, well, even for your penchant for all things cool and winterish, this, although not quite together unusual, is a bit absurd, but then, living in the mountains, this is what happens. At least, it makes for good sleeping weather. But all of this will eventually rebound to bring us a taste of summer later this month.

            Reply

  2. revivedwriter
    Sep 08, 2018 @ 18:19:21

    Love that opening image / simile: “Leaves like fallen flags.”

    Reply

  3. Victoria Stuart
    Sep 08, 2018 @ 19:02:47

    I really love the mood of this poem. This line is my favorite “dreams of red still clinging
    to branches” as I anticipate the turning of the sugar maples.

    Reply

  4. anmol(alias HA)
    Sep 08, 2018 @ 19:16:33

    Oh, those last three lines make a wonderful haiku unto itself. That image is so potent and suggestive of the tone of the entire poem. “dreams of red still clinging to branches” made me smile. Your craftsmanship with images and their evocative touch make it so beautiful.
    -HA

    Reply

  5. Sophia DiNola
    Sep 08, 2018 @ 21:55:05

    There is a mood of defeat, and dying… maybe of the dreams? But there is still a sense of clinging to hope amidst all that. This is such a beautiful way to imagine and evoke such feelings. I love it!

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Sep 08, 2018 @ 22:17:09

      Well it is coming on to autumn so leaves, plants, insects are dying. But not dying of dreams and always there is hope, always. Autumn is my second favorite time of year. Winter is my first. Thank you for your comment and words.

      Reply

  6. kim881
    Sep 09, 2018 @ 03:50:26

    Your nonet oozes autumn, Toni! I love the sodden tattered banners of leaves and the ‘dreams of red still clinging to branches’.

    Reply

  7. sanaarizvi
    Sep 09, 2018 @ 04:32:16

    Love this especially; “dreams of red still clinging to branches”… a spectacular poem, Toni 😊

    Reply

  8. Rosemary Nissen-Wade
    Sep 09, 2018 @ 04:40:27

    A beautifully vivid scene.

    Reply

  9. Kerry
    Sep 09, 2018 @ 07:28:13

    You capture the essence of fall in these lines.

    Reply

  10. Jim
    Sep 09, 2018 @ 07:53:27

    Love those fallen leaves scene, Toni. Reminds me of walking the suburban streets of London, St. Johnberry, on a soggy Autumn morning.
    Thank you.
    ..

    Reply

  11. Marian
    Sep 09, 2018 @ 08:34:21

    This day is coming for us, not here yet, though it’s very chilly here right now. The form of the nonet makes your poem look like the blustering, then retreating, wind.

    Reply

  12. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
    Sep 09, 2018 @ 09:54:36

    I know it will come, but so far I’m in denial… sooner than we know the leaves will be falling.

    Reply

  13. Sherry Marr
    Sep 09, 2018 @ 16:05:09

    How I love “hawk circles….gray sky weeps.”

    Reply

  14. Wendy Bourke
    Sep 09, 2018 @ 16:14:17

    A mesmeric capture … beautiful, visual and nuanced.

    Reply

  15. coalblack
    Sep 09, 2018 @ 16:15:29

    I liked the beginning, and the middle–everything about the leaves and your description of them. Walking a mail route this time of year, I always noticed the leaves.

    Reply

  16. Colleen@ LOOSELEAFNOTES
    Sep 09, 2018 @ 22:48:27

    Moody and perfect for today, a rainy day where the leaves are sticking when the fall. ” They land like broken-hearted sunsets
    that absent-minded people later walk on..” From a poem I wrote long ago

    Reply

  17. Vivian Zems
    Sep 10, 2018 @ 14:54:32

    Vivid imagery! Love it 😍

    Reply

  18. MrsBednar
    Sep 10, 2018 @ 16:25:10

    The contradictory nature of each season – Fall – yes grey skies and bright leaves … golden flags (the kind that hang on until spring) and bare branches – my favorite season!

    Reply

  19. Mary
    Sep 10, 2018 @ 18:42:26

    Really beautifully crafted, Toni.

    Reply

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