Forget-me-not Sky

For Marian’s prompt over at Toads – a very fussy little form known as the tritina. I don’t know if it did it right but I did try.  The poems consists of three three line verses and one single line for a total of ten.  The lines end in a cofusing (to me) pattern of 123, 312, and 231 using all the ending words in the last line.  I don’t care for forms because they are too rigid.  But I tried.  Lord knows I tried.  Marian I am sorry if I got this wrong.

Forget-me-not-sky
The wild winds came and blew the summer away –
Turning the sky to the heartbreaking blue of forget-me-nots,
And putting a chill into the night air.

Smells of moldering leaves and dried grass perfume the air
and the hummingbirds have all gone away.
Dead are the summer’s forget-me-nots.

I planted years ago the sky hued forget-me-nots
breathing in the cold autumn air
and finally turning with sadness away.

The thin autumn sun warms the air while clouds sail in the forget-me-not sky.

the Japanese refer to this particular shade of blue sky in the autumn as aki no sora.

 

11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. coalblack
    Oct 13, 2018 @ 23:10:40

    I love it when you write about nature. This time of year has that particular, striking blue; I am not surprised that there turns out to be a name for it.

    Reply

  2. Victoria C. Slotto
    Oct 14, 2018 @ 15:14:59

    So beautiful, Toni
    I think you nailed it, both poetically and the form. You bring kigo to life in this.

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Oct 14, 2018 @ 15:22:36

      Thank you Victoria. Being dyslexic sucks when it comes to forms. Especially these repetitive types

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  3. Jim
    Oct 14, 2018 @ 22:14:00

    You did very well. Toni. I liked your sad tale of the gorget-me-most. Some flowers refresh in the spring through seeds or their root system.
    ..

    Reply

  4. Marie Elena
    Oct 14, 2018 @ 23:06:12

    Gorgeous writing!

    Reply

  5. Just Barry
    Oct 15, 2018 @ 01:56:06

    You absolutely nailed the form. But more importantly, your words made me feel longingly for the dead forget-me-nots and the end of warm seasons. I always look forward to reading new poems from you. 😊

    Reply

  6. Marian
    Oct 21, 2018 @ 10:30:00

    Not sure how I missed that you had tried this, Toni, but in my view you aced this form. Pretty bold using a unique word/phrase like “forget-me-not” to repeat throughout but your lines are so lovely and descriptive that one might not quite notice the form here. Really nice.

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Oct 21, 2018 @ 10:46:47

      Thank you Marian. I really tried hard for you because this is a lovely form. I don’t think I will do it again but it is lovely. I am glad I aced the form. Being dyslexic it is hard sometimes to “see” the form.

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