Haibun: Bitter Kisses

For Sherry’s prompt over at Real Toads, Homecoming.  We are to write about the nostalgia of lost faces, lost loves, gone places.  She offers up one of my favorite songs by the Beatles. I am using it for my haibun here.  As the new usual I am writing in the old abbreviated form of the original haibun by Basho.  this one is rather long – 98 words.

Bitter Kisses
When I was a child I pulled green blades of a daffodil still wet with rain. I wanted to see how it tasted. I placed the green blade between my lips – slowly pulling using my tongue to feel the sharp edge of the bitter green blade.  Years later after kendo, my lover and I stood in the rain and kissed. He had daffodil lips. I drank in their cool wetness and my tongue probed the sharp edges of his teeth and the slightly bitter taste of his lips.

hot kisses –
bitter daffodils –
love withered away

14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. sebby holmes
    Dec 06, 2018 @ 15:53:35

    This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing 🙏


  2. kim881
    Dec 06, 2018 @ 16:06:37

    A gorgeous haibun memory, Toni – I love the way you describe your lover’s daffodil lips and the haiku is superb!


  3. Sherry Blue Sky
    Dec 06, 2018 @ 18:25:34

    A never-to-be-forgotten lover with daffodil lips……..what a wonderful poem this is. I especially love the haiku, the essence of bittersweet memories. Wonderful, Toni.


  4. Jim
    Dec 07, 2018 @ 00:31:17

    Wonderful insight, Toni, nicely written. A wrongful lover will never be forgotten. Like the sword wound, it heals but the mind remembers. Even when out of mind, it still recalls.


  5. anmol(alias HA)
    Dec 07, 2018 @ 01:06:40

    Wow! Such a mesmerizing haibun, with the childhood memory drawn in parallel with another one from adulthood, both innocent and beautiful in their experience and light. And the heartbreak making it so very poignant. The daffodil image works wonders here. Wonderful writing, Toni.


  6. sodabread girl
    Dec 07, 2018 @ 10:35:21

    This is gorgeous writing. I could read the first two sentences again and again for all of time. Okay. Maybe that’s hyperbole. 😉

    A book should begin that way — with that opening.


    • kanzensakura
      Dec 07, 2018 @ 11:10:49

      Wow. Thank you so very much for your kind comment. I actually have been writing about this for several years.

      Get Outlook for Android



  7. Kerry
    Dec 08, 2018 @ 09:09:01

    You worked wonders in shifting emotions each line of the haiku.


  8. Charmed Chaos
    Dec 08, 2018 @ 09:30:12

    Excellent haibun and haiku Toni.


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