No Substitutions Allowed

For Fireblossom’s prompt over at toads for Day 22 of NAPOWRIMO:  Beware of Poor Substitutions

 

No Substitutions Allowed
“I can believe it’s not butter.” Anthony Bourdain

Years ago I went to a sleepover at a school friend’s
and three of us spent the night and stayed for breakfast.
I was 12 at the time and come to think of it,
that was the first and last time I went to a girl’s sleepover.
Giggling about boys, fixing up each other’s hair,
doing makeup, reading teen mags and swooning over
the lackluster stars contained therein.
for lunch we had bacon lettuce and tomato sandwiches and
tuna salad sandwiches and I presumed, coca cola.
My first bite into the BLT caused me to choke.
horror of horrors they had used generic mayonnaise!
Not Hellman’s mind you but…no name brand!
I held the bite in my mouth and went to the bathroom
and there I spat it out.
Not only that but the tomato was a flavorless
mushy tomato from somewhere,
not a good summer tomato.
I returned to drink my glass of cola
and discovered…
you guessed it,
it was Generic Cola,
not coke.
I went home and stormed to my parents –
As god is my witness I’ll never eat
generic mayo and winter tomatoes again
and drink no name cola again!.
People with no taste buds should never ever
invite people to eat a meal with them.
That’s all I have to say.
and margarine instead of butter?
hell no

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kerry
    Apr 22, 2019 @ 04:28:18

    Those with a fine palette must become good cooks!

    Reply

  2. coalblack
    Apr 22, 2019 @ 05:18:42

    Ha! I shall have nightmares for weeks after reading this horror tale! There is perhaps nothing more vile on the face of the planet than generic cola. Eww!

    Reply

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