Too Many Tears

For Bjorn’s prompt at dVerse Poets Pub – Proesy. I don’t know if I did this correctly. I don’t do fictional prose but I tried.  I don’t know if I care for this fictional form.


Too Many Tears

“Hey! If we can solve any problem, why do we lose so many tears” – Paul Young, Everytime you go away

You set off to parts unknown to charm us. You gave us yourself in limited doses. We traveled behind you and laughed, were horrified, were sobered to tears or shook our heads at our own foibles.

We do not know what you heard – what called you to your death. When far away an interrupted cry spoke to you out of the darkness and in its stopping, starting, stopping and starting again it finally called your name. We cannot know the sobs felt only in your chest or puzzles in your brain or the grief felt only in your soul. we knew your smile, your laughter, your wise words, your compassion. But did we really know you?  We only know we heard your silence as you hung there quiet and aloof.  We only knew the end of the story – the big surprise of the year.

27 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
    Jun 10, 2019 @ 16:31:17

    Oh I think the “form” is very free to use. I think you worked this so well… even if it started and ended with the end… all those questions we ask in the end.

    BTW it says the prompt says prose and telling a story… it doesn’t have to be fiction, but it’s allowed in this prompt.

    Reply

  2. Vivian Zems
    Jun 10, 2019 @ 17:57:56

    A beautiful tribute. It’s impossible to know what called out to him. RIP Tony

    Reply

  3. lillian
    Jun 10, 2019 @ 18:19:40

    Oh Toni….you’ve worked marvels with the prosery form. I’m glad you gave it a go. There’s power in your words….excellence in your details. You’ve woven the poetic line so well into your story….your prose. No need for a haiku here or turning it into a haibun. You’ve worked magic with your words in the telling here. I hope you’ll stick with the prosery form. You’ve told the story of what we know happened…..the end of the story….but your words have connected with the questions…they whys…the feelings of utmost despair within a suicide. I am moved by your writing here. Flash fiction can be based in what was or what is…..it is the story telling that is so amazing within so few words. You, my friend, have excelled in the form here!

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Jun 10, 2019 @ 18:57:07

      Thank you Lillian. You are always so encouraging and supportive. I truly don’t think I will try this form again. I didn’t start at the end, I started at the beginning with his taking us along with him on his journey. I think of how I watched his program on West Virginia and how it moved me to tears, caused me in fact to volunteer as a cook at one of the local soup kitchens – just the bravery of these people. I don’t know Lillian, I just don'[t know

      Reply

  4. Glenn Buttkus
    Jun 10, 2019 @ 19:35:53

    I’m not sure who this is about, but I enjoyed the journey. It has a classic feel to it, like it was about Barabbas or Zato Ichi.

    Reply

  5. Frank J. Tassone
    Jun 10, 2019 @ 20:26:46

    A wonderful write, Toni! My heart broke taking this journey with you.

    Reply

  6. Victoria Stuart
    Jun 10, 2019 @ 20:47:11

    Your words are so powerful and evocative. All the questions we who are left behind must struggle with.

    Reply

  7. msjadeli
    Jun 10, 2019 @ 21:21:03

    “But did we really know you?” This sticks out for me, Toni. The thing with well-loved people and those who want to please is that they don’t want to disappoint anyone. Better to keep up the facade. In Tony’s case, he might have chosen to die rather than disappoint his loved ones. Like you said, only Tony knows the answers and he’s gone.

    Reply

  8. rothpoetry
    Jun 10, 2019 @ 21:51:07

    The story of many who never open up to reveal themselves. Nicely woven into a very sad ending.

    Reply

  9. Margaret Elizabeth Bednar
    Jun 10, 2019 @ 22:37:40

    Writing a haibun is very similar to a flash fiction – I think trying different forms stretches us and hopefully make us a stronger writer. I knew you were writing nonfiction but if someone didn’t know who it was about, then they would assume it is fiction. I say try it again. You did a nice job.

    Reply

  10. gillena cox
    Jun 10, 2019 @ 23:03:46

    Fantastic piece and nice quote to start
    Happy Monday

    Much❤✏❤love

    Reply

  11. kim881
    Jun 11, 2019 @ 00:53:35

    Has it been a year already? Flash fiction is very much like a haibun, only without the haiku.

    Reply

  12. Grace
    Jun 11, 2019 @ 08:49:57

    The ending is so heart breaking. Ironic that sometimes we don’t know really the person as well (when we think we do) when we read how he died. Tony’s legacy will leave on.

    Reply

  13. Charmed Chaos
    Jun 11, 2019 @ 10:02:30

    Truly beautiful Toni.

    Reply

  14. rivrvlogr
    Jun 11, 2019 @ 10:20:05

    It’s so hard to fathom such minds. Well told.

    Reply

  15. lynn__
    Jun 11, 2019 @ 11:36:03

    Tragically sad…sometimes we only know the surface!

    Reply

  16. Dr. Crystal Grimes
    Jun 11, 2019 @ 14:59:12

    I’m not good with the fictional element myself. But this is a powerful and heart-breaking piece, Toni.

    Reply

  17. purplepeninportland
    Jun 13, 2019 @ 19:50:41

    This is quite an intriguing tale, Toni!

    Reply

  18. Nina
    Jun 15, 2019 @ 11:19:12

    So gripping and heartbreakingly real~

    Reply

  19. Just Barry
    Jun 15, 2019 @ 22:05:51

    Fact, fiction, or otherwise, this is heartbreakingly honest prose. I’ve always admired your way with written language.

    Reply

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