Forget me not sky

This is a form called the tritina. The lines end in a confusing (to me) pattern of 123, 312, and 231 using all the ending words in the last line.  aki no sora is the Japanese term for the blue sky of autumn.


Forget-me-not-sky

“The bluebird carries the sky on his back.” Henry David Thoreau

The wild winds came and blew the summer away –
Turning the sky to the heartbreaking blue of forget-me-nots,
and putting a chill into the night air.

Smells of moldering leaves and dried grass perfume the air
and the hummingbirds have all gone away.
Dead are the summer’s forget-me-nots.

I planted years ago the sky hued forget-me-nots
breathing in the cold autumn air
and finally turning with sadness away.

The thin autumn sun warms the air while clouds sail in the forget-me-not sky.

copyright kanzensakura

15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Glenn A. Buttkus
    Sep 12, 2019 @ 19:26:41

    Interesting form, a bit like the sestina. Will this be our next dVerse form? You use it well, although it might be spiced up with some homonyms, right?

    Reply

    • kanzensakura
      Sep 12, 2019 @ 19:39:28

      I guess. I think it is spicy enough on its own. I found this form and used it. Don’t know about dVerse using it.

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      Reply

  2. Frank Hubeny
    Sep 12, 2019 @ 19:57:35

    I like those sailing clouds in the forget-me-not sky. Nice description with the wind blowing them with the summer away.

    Reply

  3. Misky
    Sep 13, 2019 @ 07:22:56

    You’ve done a fine job with this form.

    Reply

  4. Rob Kistner
    Sep 13, 2019 @ 11:37:55

    Excellent writing Toni — wonderful descriptors — forget me not sky… love it!

    Reply

  5. Vivian Zems
    Sep 13, 2019 @ 15:35:30

    Beautiful descriptions in this form. I love the
    ‘turning with sadness away’

    Reply

  6. Lona Gynt
    Sep 13, 2019 @ 21:14:44

    Thin autumn sun. Fabulous !

    Reply

  7. msjadeli
    Sep 13, 2019 @ 21:58:56

    the forget-me-nots breathing in the cold air and sadly turning away is so poignant, as it is the end for them, and we must go on

    Reply

  8. memadtwo
    Sep 13, 2019 @ 22:35:13

    Forget-me-not is so evocative of summer becoming fall. (K)

    Reply

  9. Beverly Crawford
    Sep 14, 2019 @ 12:41:36

    Love that term “forget-me-not sky”! Wonderfully descriptive write.

    Reply

  10. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
    Sep 14, 2019 @ 16:45:18

    I do love the way you kept the forgot-me-not in the autumn sky… to bring that memory with you until summer comes back is a good thing I think

    Reply

  11. j. pompei
    Sep 14, 2019 @ 19:36:25

    You’ve just given away my secret password.

    Reply

  12. purplepeninportland
    Sep 14, 2019 @ 20:09:17

    What a perfect poem for this difficult form. I love, “forget-me-not sky”.

    Reply

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