For Carrie’s Sunday Muse BlogSpot.
Sorrow is Shit
“People once believed that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the land of the dead. But sometimes, something so bad happens that a terrible sadness is carried with it and the soul can’t rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes, the crow can bring that soul back to put the wrong things right.” ― James O’Barr, The Crow
the crows were once my friends.
then a great sorrow overtook me
and I exploded in anger and then finally,
deep harsh tears.
the crows left me.
I am alone lying here,
the crow drops a key into the empty
cavity that is now my chest –
sans husband, sans heart, sans friends, sans love.
I wish the crow would replace my friends.
sorrow is shit without friends.
kanzen sakura 
Feb 01, 2020 @ 22:03:53
It does sound lonely, Toni. Thank heaven for poetry and poetry pals. I LOVE the quote about crows!
Feb 02, 2020 @ 00:50:42
Thank heaven indeed Sherry for poetry pals. But when some of your poetry pals have deserted you without a reason it is even more lonely.
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Feb 01, 2020 @ 23:15:22
Sorrow and loss are painful and during those times we do need friends to lean on. This captures that well Toni. Thinking of you and sending hugs. 💙
Feb 02, 2020 @ 00:48:53
Hugs back at you Carrie.
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Feb 01, 2020 @ 23:36:11
Toni, come visit me in Michigan.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 00:44:53
You are precious. Thank you. I visited MI years and years ago when I was a teenager. I think of how pure the air was in the country and the friendliness of the people in Ann Arbor. I was scouting out the university but decided to stay in NC and go to Duke in my hometown. Thank you so much for your friendly offer. I may do some traveling this summer.
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Feb 02, 2020 @ 03:51:24
The offer remains open if you change your mind.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 07:38:12
??????
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Feb 02, 2020 @ 17:50:57
I’m just sayin if you ever want to visit, the door is open.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 17:52:59
Thank you Lisa. You are most kind to a stranger.
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Feb 02, 2020 @ 18:06:30
You are welcome.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 00:59:19
All our aches and pains create such unbearable void! Yes, thanks for poetry & poets as friends.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 02:55:45
Oh, Toni, so much sorrow. Reaching through the screen to you. Hold on.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 03:16:13
Thank you Sarah. Some days it is so hard.
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Feb 02, 2020 @ 07:24:43
This too will pass. Eventually.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 07:37:28
Yeppers. Eventually. Like at least year. Sigh.
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Feb 02, 2020 @ 05:40:57
Unfortunately grief is a burden for the living, but you have friends around the world watching over you, Toni.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 07:37:55
Thank you.
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Feb 02, 2020 @ 08:29:59
Oh, Toni! I just can’t even imagine your sorrow. I hope you will find some comfort at some point, and that the crows will return, too. Sending you virtual hugs.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 11:21:05
Thank goodness for poetry and friends in the blogosphere.. sending love and prayers your way.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 11:53:14
Yes indeed. Thank you.
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Feb 02, 2020 @ 13:13:30
Life is shit without friends.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 13:21:47
Sometimes friends simply don’t know how to react in your time of sorrow. Don’t be afraid to reach out. I’m sure they’re standing by.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 13:24:13
Thank you for this advice Bev. I hope they are.
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Feb 02, 2020 @ 13:45:20
A crow once told me, “Cling to nothing; I will return for you.” But that was back in the 1960’s and I had just ingested some mushrooms, soooo…hmmmm…I dunno.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 13:54:44
Lol. A friend and I with extreme munchies are a ton of mushies with dip and found out they were psychotropic so were stoned for a week. On the serious side, I know my husband is never going to return to me. I carry him in my heart but his death is devastating
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Feb 04, 2020 @ 00:27:24
He may never return in the way you want him to return but he has never really left you. Be still and you will feel him all around you, close your eyes and you will see that he is right there holding you. Much love and strength to you right now ❤️
Feb 02, 2020 @ 14:14:41
Oh Toni, I so agree, sorrow is shit. I like the thought that crows carry souls to the land of the dead – and bring them back to put things right. I really felt the sorrow in ‘the crow drops a key into the empty / cavity that is now my chest’.
I know that most poetry friends are many miles away and in ‘virtual reality’, but we are thinking of you and reaching out with poetry and comments.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 14:41:25
Yes but there are a couple who used to be so friendly but have now dropped me. I guess they can’t take having such a Debbie Downer on their radar and one who is so sanctimonious. I hope they never feel what it is like to lose the love of their life suddenly. But I took a walk around the house today and found the daffodil bulbs have come up a good 5 inches and my bees are healthy. I thank you for your support and caring. Be well and happy!
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Feb 02, 2020 @ 16:31:41
Geesh! Hope things get better for that “character”.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 17:44:44
Since it is me, I hope so too.
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Feb 02, 2020 @ 18:36:18
Sorrow is shit anyway, I think. But yes, having good friends does help. When I was newly widowed I found that some couples kinda closed ranks against me, as if a single woman was a threat! Fortunately not the ones I cared about most, but still it was quite a shock. I all the more cherished those who stuck around. It’s been quite a journey – several years of going through the grieving (not that it stops, but it does eventually become easier to deal with) and then several more of working out how to make a life for myself. Friends and poetry have always been a help. Also I do call on the angels when I feel a need for extra support. I don’t mean to minimise it – the anguish is inescapable and even, I think, necessary – but somehow, one gets through. And little things like your daffodil bulbs remind us that life can still give us beautiful moments. Also there comes a time when memories bring more joy than pain.
Thank you for your fiercely truthful poem.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 18:54:19
Thank you Rosemary for your kind and encouraging words. He died of myotonic muscular dystrophy, a terrible way for a person to die. My comfort is that I held him in my arms until he drew his last breath. It does hurt when people one thought a lot of turns their backs on you. One day, the pain will lessen. I appreciate your honesty. On another hand, how much would you charge me to do a long distance tarot reading? I trust you.
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Feb 02, 2020 @ 18:37:31
PS It’s still so very new for you, Toni, and believe me, you are doing SO well.
Feb 02, 2020 @ 19:01:39
Thank you. I spend my days crying.
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Feb 02, 2020 @ 21:28:20
Of course you do! And better that than trying to suppress it. xx
(Will contact you by Messenger.)
Feb 02, 2020 @ 21:29:55
Thank you.
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Feb 02, 2020 @ 22:43:15
OMG this is so full of passion! Bravo
Happy Sunday
Much💝love
Feb 03, 2020 @ 00:45:31
A powerful poem. I am so sorry you are feeling this way I will send you some light and strength Take care
Feb 03, 2020 @ 00:46:50
The death of a husband does this to you. Thank you for your kind thoughts.
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Feb 03, 2020 @ 10:49:16
You are strong. Somehow you will get through this. I think it is good you are sharing your grief with us. People will betray you when you are most vulnerable. It is written of in the Bible and in a lot of French literature. Of course your grief must be unbearable and if you don’t have anyone to look after you and cook for you at the moment….take comfort in the fact that I’m sure some of us would if we lived nearby. Think on the daffodils for a bit. Take care !
Feb 03, 2020 @ 10:52:16
Thank you Rall. I am weak at the .moment but one day will be strong again. It is sunny and warm today, unseasonably so. I am going to take a walk and look at the blue skies.
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Feb 03, 2020 @ 11:22:23
Everything seems shitty without friends. I wonder if the key will open the door towards better things. I hope it does–crows are too wise for that key to be anything other than a chance.
Feb 03, 2020 @ 15:17:44
Indeed sorrow is shit. Sometimes friends stay away, as if it were contagious. True friends will return. Know that all of us virtual friends care very deeply.
Feb 03, 2020 @ 16:30:11
I know that a lot of you do care and I am grateful;
Feb 03, 2020 @ 16:21:40
Amen to that. And no one knows until we’ve been there ourselves. I’m amazed that you are already translating your feelings to such powerful poems. You also made me look at the picture a bit differently, as if the hand that came down holding the paper intended to scoop up the doodoo! I don’t think anyone wrote about the hand.
Feb 03, 2020 @ 20:34:54
I don’t know you well, but sorrow knows no strangers, so I feel your sadness. Grief is so painful. I thank you for trusting us, your poetic ‘friends. I send you hugs and prayers.
Feb 03, 2020 @ 20:49:08
Thank you so much Myrna
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