Ch-ch-changes

For the Midweek Motif at Poets United -Change

Ch-ch-changes
“Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.” Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Frankenstein
 
I stood at the foot of my grandmother’s bed
and watched her draw her last breath.
It hit me then,
I will never be the same after
experiencing this.
I stood by my father’s casket and I thought,
I will never the be the same after this.
I stood in front of the minister with the man
who was going to be my husband and I thought,
I will be different after this.
I watched my mother draw her last breath
and I though I will never be the same.
I am an orphan now.
I will have no children to watch me die.
I will have no children to be changed forever.
I watch the seasons passing
leaves and flowers sprouting,
Rose petals dropping,
Leaves changing color and dropping,
Snow falling in the woods.
I am changed forever.
I am forever changed.

Ghosts

For Bjorn’s prompt at Real Toads.  He asks us to flashback to a time and place in our memories.  Smells, songs, words will all take us there.  Thank you for the interesting prompt! 15 lines on the 15th in Honor of Shay Fireblossom, a true poet and friend.

Ghosts
“Ghosts don’t haunt us. That’s not how it works. They’re present among us because we won’t let go of them.” ― Sue Grafton, M is for Malice

The sign said, Pansies for Sale.
I closed my eyes and remembered
pansy eyes.
I am surrounded by ghosts.
I remember lovers, chefs, drugs, family.
Mostly I remember the pansy brown eyes
of my grandmother dying from bone cancer,
my mother’s pansy brown eyes
as she lay dying from the effects
of dementia and heart failure.
Even in winter I remember that perfect June day.
She closed those wilted pansies
for the last time.
I remember that perfect June day
not long after she died of your dying by your own hand.

 

Forgetfulness

Posted on Poetry United, Pantry of Prose and Poetry #3  For me, a long poem.

 

Forgetfulness
Time, we say, is Lethe; but change of air is a similar draught, and, if it works less thoroughly, does so more quickly.” ― Thomas Mann, The Magic Mountain

it is cool, finally.
The hot breath of summer has stilled,
fallen into the arms of Morpheus
seeking there the river of Lethe.
*Ameles Potamos is sluggish
and yet it is crowded with the souls
of the dead leaves,
all of them drinking to
forget the summer that was.
the leaves clog the creek
at the foot of the hill,
drinking, drinking.
autumn rains will come and flood the banks
washing their corpses away.
frost covers them with sparking lace
dressing them for their funereal best.
I cup my hand and drink from the icy waters.
I close my eyes and sleep.
I awaken no longer remembering the heat of summer.
I awaken remembering only autumn and winter cold.
The beaver moon shines bright in the sky,
frost sparkles in its light.

 

*Lethe also known as the Ameles Potamos (River of Unmindfulness), the river flowed around the cave of Hypnos where its murmuring induces drowsiness. The shades of the dead were required to drink from its water in order to forget their earthly life.

Forgiveness

The Poets United Mid-week motif:  Forgiveness

Forgiveness
“The darkness of death is like the evening twilight; it makes all objects appear more lovely to the dying.” –
Jean Paul

As I take my daily walk I ask questions
in the silence of myself.
My footsteps are almost silent,
my breathing regular and my heartbeat rhythmic.
The wind is a brief breath
and the sunlight is beginning to get thin,
losing weight as the season progresses.
Can I forgive the leaves for dying,
for falling softly to the ground?
Can I forgive myself,
my mother dying, her faint breaths stopping…
just stopping.
Can I ever forgive you hanging yourself,
for the violence of your death,
for the thinking yourself unworthy to live
any longer?
For the grief you held in yourself,
for the sadness of your every day?
I stop in the midst of my walk
and look up at the sky,
like a river between the trees.
I stand and watch the leaves falling
one
by
one.
Will I ever forgive?
I will throw no stones into that river,
silently flowing overhead.

copyright kanzensakura

copyright kanzensakura

The Glory of the Sun

For the prompt, Glory, Mid-week Motif on Poets United.

The Glory of the Sun
“The beauty of that June day was almost staggering…The sunlight was a benediction.” Dan Simmons, Drood

My mother lay in her bed
slowly murmurming.
She was now in a skilled nursing
facility after being taken care of
at home by me.
But Alzheimers, seizures, weakened heart, failing kidneys caused the doctor
to recommend the care in a skilled nursing facility.
Visiting every day, pushing her
around the facility in a wheelchair,  taking her
to meals and special events.
One day she had a severe seizure
and she became non-verbal and bedridden.
One morning she quietly died.
I looked at her peaceful face
reflecting the glory
of the early June sun
streaming in from the window
by her bed.

mama on deck

my mother on her deck in Florida 10 years before her death

Canicular Days


Canicular Days

“If you cannot hold me in your arms, then hold my memory in high regard. And if I cannot be in your life, then at least let me live in your heart.” – ― Ranata Suzuki

in these canicular days
it is too hot to think deeply.
so I sit on my back porch and think
shallow thoughts while sipping iced tea
with a squirt of lemon.
what do they call a pet owner
who has lost a pet,
its bones slowly returning to earth,
buried in the back yard with a stone
at its head “Fluffy”.
there are widows and widowers.
What do you call a person who
has lost a child?
how do you fill that hole
in the pocket of their heart?
what do you call a person
who has lost a lover and
cannot tell a soul?

Grief

Grief
“…love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” – Kabil Gibran

It has been a long day –
a day of grief.
I wonder –
do our dead pets care where they are buried?
do they care that we don’t bury them under
the rose bush where they spent their days?
do they care that we don’t bury them
under the free stars in the field
where they ran daily?
do they care that we don’t bury
them by the oceans or in the forests,
or scatter their ashes in the garden
or keep their ashes in an urn?
I have pondered these questions today,
as we lay my mother-in-law’s faithful dog
to rest by the creek he loved to splash in,
does he care?

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