Tango Tuesday: More Than This

I rarely post about having fibromyalgia and being clinically depressed.  My blog is not about that.  Many of you will probably say, But Kanzen Honey, you write haiku, poems, musings. recipes….so who knows what your blog is about?

True. but it ain’t about my fibromyalgia and clinical depression.  There are people who do blog about those and I have found their journeys to be inspiring and strengthening.  Rarely do any complain.  Many will note their current condition but almost, only in passing.  They are not letting their condition define them, they are defining their condition.  They are continuing to move forward on that journey.  And that, is the answer! And my inspiration.

Last night I was talking with a friend who told me I was being too hard on myself – to put on one of my favorite danceable hip-shaking songs and dance.  My depression has jumped on me with both feet and I know it is time for an adjustment with my meds.  So that is the goal today and to studystudystudy!!!

I am also going to do as my very wise friend suggests and dance.  But not to one of those hip shaking songs.  No, I think a nice smooth ballroom tango to a long time favorite song that suits my mood at this time. Oddly, I was singing and humming this song and swaying while, of all things, I was grilling burgers and a nice fat Vidalia onion <grin>. My husband asked, “what is that song?  Sounds like a tango?”  I said, Roxy Music, Bryan Ferry, More Than This.  He gaped at me.  I sometimes forget he is 10 years younger and we have a world of difference between us at times.

After dinner, I played the video for him so he could see and hear Bryan Ferry. He said, “that is lovely but so sad”. I told him “no, not really. Bittersweet, wistful, mono no aware(the pathos of things), sunt lacrimae rerum et mentem mortalia tangunt (we know the pathos of things and mortal things touch our hearts)”. He groaned, Oh lord, Japanese AND Latin….But he understood.

Years ago, one sweet summer morning, I held this song in my head as I danced with the waves on a deserted NC beach.  Today I’ve pushed back the table and chairs  so after dinner tonight, we can tango. A nice smooth holding, swaying, gliding, dancing with the waves tango. Sometimes, one does not always dance to express joy. Sometimes one dances as a homage to people and places gone, “like a dream in the night”.

I could feel at the time
There was no way of knowing
Fallen leaves in the night
Who can say where they´re blowing
As free as the wind
Hopefully learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning
More than this – there is nothing
More than this – tell me one thing
More than this – there is nothing
It was fun for a while
There was no way of knowing
Like a dream in the night
Who can say where we´re going
No care in the world
Maybe I´m learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning
More than this – there is nothing
More than this – tell me one thing
More than this – there is nothing

Throwback Tuesday – a little more romance

Last night, my husband and I were listening to a radio station that plays hits of the 80’s and 90’s. I was ironing clothes and he was washing dishes. Nice, dull domesticity. Then, on the radio began yet another one of Rick Astley’s wonderful danceable songs. I started shaking my hips and I heard my guy drying his hands. In a breath, he grabbed and pulled me to him and we began to dance. He smiled down at me, “Remember the first time we danced to this?” I grinned and said, “oh my yes!”. And we danced ourselves into a sweat.

Years ago, at the wedding reception of one his numerous cousins, we were sitting at a table and watching the bride and groom gyrate and several guests twisting, jumping, clogging, whatever it was…this song came on, an oldie the DJ had thrown into the mix in an effort to get more people on the dance floor and a song with a definite beat that anyone could follow. It was Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”. Inside, I cringed. This song had had a lot of meaning to me when it came out in 1987 but now it just meant memories and heartache.

My husband and I had been dating several months and felt a definite connection along with our many similar interests: odd bits of Trivia, Star Trek, Civil War history, mathematics, good food, and dancing. It never ceased to amaze me, considering how clumsy he was at some things, how well he could dance and how good he was in martial arts. We enjoyed each other’s company but me holding back, afraid of another massive heartbreak. He sensed it but never pried.

So, that song came one and he took my hand and said, “let’s dance”. I shook my head. “It’s a good one. Let’s show these folks how it’s done”. Reluctantly I stood up and we stepped out on the small floor. In about a minute, we had people standing up, watching, clapping in time. At one point, he pulled me close and sang in my ear:
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you…

I gave him a little push and said, Don’t. Don’t sing, just dance. He looked down at me and before I knew it, he had dipped me down in a graceful  Latin tango dip. Close to my lips he whispered, “That was him. That was then. This is me. This is now”. I looked up into his sweet blue eyes and thought of another pair of eyes – brown, almond shaped, who had left a few years earlier. I closed my eyes and my love came closer and kissed me. This sweet man, 10 years younger and a private romantic had laid it out for me. He pulled me back up into his arms and we did one last swirl. The music ended. We stood looking at each other and his relatives all cheered and clapped. We then went back to our table to sit. Several cousins came by and said, We didn’t know he even knew how to dance! I thought, there is a lot you don’t know about this quiet, serious man. I thought, there is a lot I don’t know.

A couple of months later, he used another Rick Astley song to propose to me. And it is true, when he sang those words, he meant them. So…..If you haven’t had a dance with the love of your life lately, or sang them a love song, or grabbed them and kissed them as if it was your second date, then do it. And hey, let’s dance!

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