Double Confession

For Anmol’s Confession prompt over at dVerse Poets Pub.

Double Confession

“In my midnight confessions
When I tell all the world that I love you” The Grass Roots

A smoldering hot August night,
Cicadas sawing and humming bird moths
circling the cleomes.
End of season honeysuckle perfuming the air
and gardenias gleaming in the moonlight.
You came over for dinner and I spilled lemonade
in your lap because I loved you so much
and my hand refused to be steady.
We had been to a kendo demonstration
and you were one of the demonstrators.
In the living room your katana rested on the coffee table.
I loved you so much.
I wanted to tell you but I was afraid of losing you
as a friend –
I loved you so much.
We sat in the glider desultorily moving back and forth
When you said to me,
as if in an afterthought –
Watashi wa kokoromara anata o ashitemiasu*.
I thought I understood you but…
What did you just tell me?
I love you with all my heart,
you whispered.
I sat up straight and glared at you.
You laughed and pulled me close.
I have been wanting to tell you that since we met.
I leaned against you.
I loved you so much.

old snapshot taken in Duke U Medical Library 1979

*Japanese for I love you will all my heart

Hectic Snow

For Sunday Muse #38

Hectic Snow
The wrong time –
The wrong tune –
Stars swirl around like hectic snow.
Their songs lure you
And you float up and follow.
The music follows you
Until they freeze and fall
Like hectic snow.

Sunday Muse #38

 

 

More

Change Your Life Forever

For De’s Quadrille prompt at dVerse Poets Pub. Write a poem of exactly 44 words excluding title. You must use the word “change” or a variant of change: changes, changed, changeling… I am not playing today.

Change Your Life Forever
“Change your life forever
The world will change when you change yourself
Change yourself in Silence…”
Change your life by World Order

This poem doesn’t come with trigger messages.
But this warning is given:
Your life will change.
Stop whining. Stop living in a dream world.
Open the door and go in.
If you want the world to change
Get off your ass and change it.

Waiting for Snow

For Real Toads Weekend Challenge

Waiting for Snow
“There is no Final Resting Place of the Mind.” – Anthony Bourdain

the cold air feels still –
total silence – the air feels hollow –
an empty ring – like the single bonnnngggg
from a distant temple bell –
a sweet smell in the air –
the snow is holding off
waiting for 3:00 p.m.
the timeline announced by the
blatheringyammeringnattering
weather folk for the snow to begin.
The feral cats are hunkered down,
Hidden.
They know. The birds know. The squirrels know.
We humans don’t know shit.
European model. U.S. model.
Snow will begin when snow begins.
The first flake slowly circles downward.
Let the games begin.

Haibun: That which saves us

For Sherry’s prompt at Real Toads – what we save saves us. This is not my usual brief haibun. It is long. But Pugsley deserves a long haibun. Sherry assured me I had her permission to post this as she is not strict about prompts. No social justice here, just saving a starving car. I saved him and he saved me.

Haibun: That which saves us

Twenty years ago, I was living in the Fan in a small two room apartment. It was a hard winter and snow was on the ground. I stepped out my door to fill the birdfeeders when I noticed a skeletal ginger cat gobbling up popcorn that had been thrown out for the birds. It looked at me. I called softly, Kitty? It made a step towards me. I ran in the house and quickly opened a can of tuna which I put out. I backed away and the cat began to eat as if starved. The cat was there the next day and I put out some leftover chicken. This time I walked towards the cat and it hunkered down. I rubbed its head and it stretched beneath my hand, grateful for the attention. I picked it up and it snuggled in my arms purring. I told the cat, not on my watch are you going to starve. It took it in the house and noticed it had on a rhinestone collar which had grown into its skin. You are somebody’s pet, I told him. I had determined the cat had been spayed. I put up notices around the neighborhood and three streets over, an old lady answered the ad and told me it had been her neighbor’s cat that had been tossed out when her neighbor died. I kept the cat. I renamed him Pugsley. He was quiet, well behaved and affectionate. My fiance’ was not happy but knew I was determined. When we married and moved into our home, Pugsley went with us.

A few years later, my PAP smear came back negative. I had cancer. I felt like I had been gut punched. I cried for several days and Pugsley never left my side. He walked around after me in the house and got in my lap when I sat down. A biopsy was done and the results were malignant. I started a round of chemo and finally surgery. When I went for the chemo, Pugsley rode with me and sat with me whenever it was possible. Often I was sick and exhausted. I did not complain or tell people what was going on with me.  But I told Pugsley and he reminded me that he loved me and listened.  He’d lick my face when I cried. I came home after the surgery during which I almost died due to reaction to the sedatives and painkillers. When I finally went home, my husband told me Pugsley had not eaten and meowed constantly. The first thing when I lay down, he jumped on the bed and lay by my side, purring softly. During the weeks of recovery he made me laugh and snuggled. I talked to him and he laughed at my lame jokes and loved me. My husband had the perfect baby sitter in Puglsey.

About five years ago, Pugsley stopped eating and didn’t want to be held. I took him to the vet who determined he had a huge tumor growing in his stomach. My heart broke. I talked to the doctor and then talked to Pugsley. He lay in my arms while the vet put him down. This cat who had been so loving and faithful, I could not save this last time. I had him cremated and when I inserted my mother’s ashes in her mother’s grave, I inserted Pugsley as well. He was the best boi in the world. I cry still at his loss. I take him flowers when I take flowers to my mother.
snow falls quietly –
a starving cat won my heart –
flowers bloom on his grave

Pugsley under the crepe myrtle

Haibun: January

For Kim’s prompt for Haibun Monday. Although she asks for a limit of three tight paragraphs, I have revered to the original form created by Basho – one brief and to the point paragraph along with a seasonal haiku to close instead of the long haibun with much despcription.

January
The Christmas tree is put away for another year. Darkness covers the earth in early afternoon. Cold settles about the house like a snowy shawl. It seems dull without the lit Christmas tree. We sip slow simmered bean soup for dinner.
feral cats gather –
they mass together for warmth –
feeding them is joy

snowy yard

O1062019 haiku

For Frank’s Haikai Challenge #68

silent neighborhood –
distant crows break the silence –
cold and still today

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